Recipe: Natalie's Thanksgiving Turkey and Rice

As promised ... the recipe I made for our Thanksgiving dinner!!! It was phenomenal, if I do say so myself. And I just did. So there.

Natalie's Turkey and Rice 

2 turkey legs
1 cup wild rice, uncooked
1/2 cup craisins (dried cranberries)
1/4 cup apricots, chopped
1 can cream of mushroom soup
water

Heat oven to 350.

Place turkey legs in 9x13 casserole and season as desired (sage, garlic powder, pepper, etc). Cover and bake 30 mins.

After 30 mins, remove turkey legs from oven. Place turkey legs on plate. Pour turkey "juice" (broth) into measuring cup. Add water until you get 1 1/2 cups. Add cream of mushroom soup and mix.

Pour rice into casserole dish and poor soup/broth/water on top. Sprinkle craisins and apricot across rice. Top with turkey legs (flipping them so the other side of the drumstick is up).

Bake another 45 mins or until turkey legs are done. Remove cover for last 15 minutes to give drumsticks a pretty brown glow.

Makes 4 servings. Perfect for a Thanksgiving dinner for two and leftovers for the next day!
Calories: 290; Fat: 10.1g; Protein: 18.1 g; Carbs: 33.1 g

No Fuss, Just Us Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is an interesting time when you are knee-deep in studying for final exams and 9 hours from your family (not to mention living on student loans). Basically, I don't have the time or money to go home. Two years ago, I hosted my boyfriend's family. Then last year we went to them for the holiday. (Search "Thanksgiving" on this blog for funny stories and low-calorie recipes!)

Past Thanksgivings have involved a lot of money, a lot of stress, and a lot of work. So, this year we have decided to stay home and have a Thanksgiving for two - "No Fuss, Just Us." We are even volunteering at a homeless shelter! And I couldn't be more excited.

In an effort to focus our Thanksgiving on simple things, Kevin and I are spending it with people who don't take it (or food!) for granted. Then, we are going home to have a lunch of turkey and ham sub sandwiches. After watching the Cowboys game, I'm going to throw a couple of turkey drumsticks in the oven and try to create my own version of a turkey and rice bake (If it's good, you know I'll post the recipe and pics!).

There are a few nods to the traditional Thanksgiving fare - the turkey subs made will be made with Hawaiian sweet rolls (my fave holiday bread) and I'm going to make my grandmother's macaroni and cheese and am excited about a sweet potato bread pudding I'm planning - but for the most part, it's going to be a day to relax and be thankful that we have each other.

And that's definitely a reason to give thanks!

Yo-yo is a no-no

Is this what it's like to be a yo-yo dieter? On again, off again, weight fluctuating by up to ten pounds, loving myself then hating myself. I mean like whoa. This is not a happy feeling!

You've followed me through this - and I hope you aren't super annoyed at me. But I'm human and I need help. I will NOT allow myself to go back to my old life. I WILL NOT!

Clearly, this is a mental thing. I gained back ten pounds ... and we all know how I feel about weighing more than 145. Sigh.

Somewhere over the past year, I lost my will power. I lost my drive and I lost everything except the desire to be a healthy weight.

Sure, I work out - but not consistently.

Sure, I count my calories - but not consistently.

Sure, I make healthy eating decisions - but not consistently.

Lately, it's been about sugar, chocolate, sugar, and ginger snaps. I KNOW BETTER!

And here's the annoying thing - I know that if I just get myself working out on a consistent basis, then I will be able to treat myself, even daily, with a reasonable serving of sugar, chocolate, or ginger snaps! But I just can't seem to get my butt in gear.

I've got plenty of excuses: no time thanks to school, worn out running shoes, early sunsets and late sunrises, too cold, bed is too comfortable, blah blah blah. If only I had a treadmill, if only I had more running pants, if only I had someone to hold me accountable. Are you kidding me? If only I would stop making excuses!!!

So, now that is out of my system ... I am ONCE AGAIN pledging to get myself back on track. I need a plan and I need accountability. So far, I've planned two 5ks for the upcoming weeks. I'm not in 5k shape, but who cares - that's just another excuse!

My trail running buddy (yes, I have one and yes, we meet just about every week!) have designed our own 5k route and are hosting the First Annual Plaza Lights 5k - it's untimed and doesn't involve t-shirts, but it does involve friends and the most-famous holiday lights in our area. It's going to be fun - even if it will be cold and really early.

Then, the next weekend will find me running another 5k dressed like Santa. See? I'm making this running thing fun! That's important, right?

And I'm scouring Craiglist for a treadmill ...

Reunion recap

I'm sure a couple of you are curious about how my reunion went ...

It was a blast! Everyone looked great and had big smiles on their faces. Only about a tenth of the class came, but it was great catching up with those who did and hearing about those who couldn't make it.

My fave part of the night was hearing a conversation that went kinda like this:

"Who is that?"

"That's Natalie H."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No way!"

:-D

I definitely said goodbye to a couple of internal ghosts this weekend.  I mean, at one point, I had to pull up one of my old pictures to convince someone who I was/am!!! Talk about winning ...

10 years ago ...

Senior year - 2000

My ten-year high school reunion is this weekend and who would have thought - I'm actually super excited about it!

Sure, I'm going alone because the boyfriend has to work. And sure, I'm not married, have no offspring, and am (only technically) unemployed because I'm still in school, but I've lost 50 POUNDS since high school! Heck yeah I'm going to this reunion!

Maybe my history isn't that well-known to my blog readers, but in fifth grade I was dubbed "Fatalie" by a jerk and the name spread like wildfire. Luckily, the fire was put out before junior high started - but the damage was already done. My self-esteem received third degree burns and I still carry the scars.

Junior year - 1999

In fact, as I type this I hear those kids taunting me with phrases like "I can see your fat jiggle when you walk!" Man, kids are cruel.

I suffered from debilitating depression throughout my adolescent years and there were days when it was a struggle to get out of bed, much less go to school. But as I grew up, they got nicer and I became more comfortable with myself and my body, but I was never proud of it.

Another episode I remember occurred my senior year. In an act of bravery, I wore a short skirt to school. I remember it specifically because it was super cute and maroon and suede. (Yes, suede. Don't judge.) I was walking down the hall during class and a guy passed me and said "Mmm, I love me a thick woman."

I was mortified! Until it was explained to me that some men consider "thick" to be a compliment. Ok, so it was nice that a guy thought I was attractive, but once I processed this I was still not happy. The thing I hated most about myself is not what I wanted others to like.

Homecoming senior year 2000

By the time I graduated high school, I was convinced that I was meant to be a size 16 forever. I told myself that it was clearly the body I was meant to have and I better get used to it. And I tried. I figured the key to happiness was coming to terms with myself as I was. There were times when I almost came to terms with my body, but deep inside I couldn't ignore the taunting voices on the playground at Farine Elementary. Those voices were part of the motivation when I started on the 50n50 journey. I was sick of hearing them and wanted those 10-year-old jerks to stop calling me names every morning as I looked at myself in the mirror.

I'm glad I never learned to be satisfied with myself as I was because then I wouldn't be where I am today. And I am thrilled to be where I am today! I'm truly happy and truly healthy - physically AND mentally!

I can hardly wait to go to tonight's homecoming football game sporting those old school colors and greet my classmates. I hope life has been just as good for them as it has for me. I am excited to see how the past ten years have blessed them and treated them.

Okay, so maybe there is a little part of me that hopes the guy who dubbed me "Fatalie" shows up ... He had the nerve to try and Facebook-friend me ... and he was perfunctorily rejected. But for the most part, I'm just excited to put Fatalie to rest and let the new me take over for the next ten years!

@MeatlessMondays - a year later

This week marks my anniversary following the Meatless Monday movement!

All in all, it's been a neat endeavor that has greatly opened my palate. I can see a difference in my grocery bill and have often found myself going meatless on other days of the week just because I'm craving the dish.

My boyfriend has joined the movement too, much to my excitement. This semester has us apart on Monday nights and last week he grabbed his dinner at a fast food place. When I asked what he ordered - out of idle curiosity - and discovered it was vegetarian, it brought a huge smile to my face. It was proof that he believes in the movement too and isn't just doing it because someone else is cooking the food and giving it to him.

Here are some meals that have come into our world thanks to Meatless Monday:

Sweet Potato Black Bean Burritos

Sweet Potato and Black Bean Burrito

2 medium sweet potatoes
1 cup refried black beans, with lime
1 tbsp olive oil
1 c onions
1 poblano pepper
1 whole roasted, peeled chile
2 sticks string cheese
4 multi-grain wraps

Baked sweet potato at 400 degrees for 35-45 minutes, until soft
Let cool. While potatoes cool, saute onions and peppers in olive oil until onions are caramelized and soft.
Peel sweet potatoes and mix with refried black beans. 
Put sweet potato mix on wrap, add onion mix and top with string cheese. Roll wrap unto burrito, place on pan and heat in over for 15 minutes, or grill in panini maker (as pictured). 
Number of Servings: 4
295 calories, 13 g fiber, 18g protein

Pumpkin and Black Bean Chili

Pumpkin and Black Bean Chili

1 medium onion, chopped
1 yellow pepper, chopped
1 c. fire roasted red peppers, chopped
4 c vegetable broth
4 c black beans, cooked and drained
1 can pumpkin, no salt
2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin
1 tbsp parsley

Saute onions and yellow pepper.
In crockpot combine all ingredients.
Cook on low for 4-5 hours, until heated throughout. Enjoy!
Makes 10 servings.

128 calories, 8 g fiber, 7 g protein

Grilled Eggplant

Grilled Eggplant
1 Eggplant, sliced into 1/2-inch slices
Spray with cooking spray, lightly salt and let sit while prepping the grill. Place on grill for 5-8 minutes each side until soft and amazing. Top with chopped peppers or your salsa of choice.

PB&J Grahamwiches
1 Tbsp Peanut Butter
1 Tsp jam/jelly
2 sheets graham cracker
Make like peanut better jelly sandwich. Tastes better after sitting a few hours because the jelly side gets a bit soggy and it melts in your mouth.

I've also learned a lot about eating out on Mondays and ways to avoid meat at restaurants. I particularly love sushi for Meatless Mondays, but when in a bind you might find me at Taco Bell because of their myriad of veggie-friendly dishes.

If I had to criticize the Meatless Monday movement about anything, I have two things to say.

First, the recipes offered on the official Meatless Monday site tend to be amazingly complicated and expensive. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if that turns people off when they first think about going meatless one day a week.

Second, they don't talk enough about ways to meet protein needs sans meat. Someone like me needs at least 60 grams of protein a day - even on days I go meatless. There are a lot of ways to do it, I just wish the Meatless Monday organizers would talk more about it. Sure, you can miss it one day a week and make up for your protein needs later, but doesn't that defeat the purpose? Also, if someone chooses to go meatless more than once a week they need to know how to do it safely.

Lunch today is mashed avocado with chopped peanuts spread on a tortilla and cooked quesadilla style. It's another fave lunch I've discovered thanks to Meatless Monday and writing about it has my mouth watering!

Click here to read my first post about this awesome movement! I don't celebrate the end of August as my anniversary date because I fumbled a bit at the start. But since Sept. 20, 2010, I've consistently NOT eaten meat on Mondays.

Happy trails to us

As mentioned previously, I am back in training with the Couch to 5k program. However, what I haven't lately mentioned is the break I took for the past two weeks - first because it was triple-digit hot everyday and then second to acclimate myself to my new semester routine. During that break, we all reveled as I discovered a fascination with trail running.

Here I am in the second week of classes and I'm working out my workout routine. Basically, my running days will be Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays for the next couple of months. Since Kevin and I are both home by 4 on Tuesdays we've dubbed it Trail Day. Thursdays are neighborhood jog days and Saturday depends on our schedule, but we're always shooting for a trail somewhere.

Today was our first Tuesday Trail Day ...

It was also the first official run I've attempted since Aug. 12. I planned on repeating the last week I completed (Week 3), but accidentally hit the start button for Week 4 and decided, what the heck and gave it a try.

Success!!!

All things were in my favor: the weather was beautiful, the trail was fairly empty, and I had lovely music on the phone. The running itself wasn't so bad either! In fact, it was almost enjoyable. I got a kick out of the random dog that would run across the trail - without an owner in site. Maybe that's how dogs are in the wild?

This week's run routine involves running for 3 minutes, walking 1.5 mins, running 5 minutes then walking 2.5 minutes and repeating for a total of 16 minutes spent running and 18 spent walking (including 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down).

I started dragging in the last 2.5 minutes of my final run, but out of the brush came Kevin and Chester as part of their run! They joined me for a bit, but then ran past because I'm a lot slower. Chester was cute, however. I could tell he was torn between staying with me and going with Kevin. In the end he went with the faster choice and I finished my run in blissful solitude.

Kevin and Chester headed my way :)

Seriously, I was alone the rest of the time and loved it. I had calm music in my headphones and just took it all as an active meditation. I didn't stress about how long or how far I was running. I just focused on sidestepping the next rock in my path.

While Kevin finished his run, I chilled my the water fountain and watched the dogs playing with each other. This park - about a 20-minute drive from my house is pretty fantastic. Kevin said he and Chester both had a blast and we're pretty excited to make this part of our weekly routine.

Finally, I CAN

One of the BIG things on my summer To Do list was to learn to can. It's been on my version of a bucket list for several years, but this year is about making things happen. I bought the necessary equipment in July and have made my first goody a couple of weeks ago.

Jalapeno-Spiked Cherry Preserves

All in all, I've made Vanilla-Infused Blueberry Jam, Jalapeno-Spiked Cherry Preserves, and Ginger-kissed Honeydew Drizzle. While these are all fun to have made, they aren't foods I normally eat. Instead, I'm saving them to give as Christmas gifts (and am more than half-way done with my shopping thanks to them!). But to be cost-effective, I need to use my canning stuff for REAL food, you know?

When I went to the farmer's market this morning for my weekly groceries, I had this hope that I could find a great deal on tomatoes and make (and can!) tomato sauce. It's practical, useful, and something I can benefit from this fall and winter. Imagine my joy when I managed to buy 12.5 pounds of tomatoes for $8! Add the that the cost of peppers, onions, spices, garlic and lemon and I spent a total of $13 on today's adventure.

I based everything on a recipe published in Taste of Home last year and republished online this week. Here is a link to the original recipe, but I made a few modifications. First, I cut the recipe in half. Then, I chose to omit the canola oil. I see no reason for it at all and my mother said she's never heard of a tomato sauce calling for oil. Then, after reading the comments at the bottom of the recipe, I decided no oil was a good thing - food-safety-wise. Generally, tomato sauces require a pressure canner. In fact, I was pretty surprised by this recipe. But since it was first published last year, I figure if anyone got sick from it the magazine wouldn't have included it in their weekly emails this week. My mother agreed with this as well. Finally, I used fresh basil from my garden rather than the dried stuff - because I could, duh.

At the end of the day, I'm thrilled to have made 4 quarts of spaghetti sauce. We ate one tonight (with leftovers ready for tomorrow's Meatless Monday lunch) and have three to store for winter!

All ingredients necessary ... purchased from local farmers market

Prepping tomatoes for blanching and peeling.

Boiled 60 seconds until the skin started separating from tomato.

Thrown into ice bath to stop the cooking.

Peel is super easy to remove!

All ingredients cut, chopped, diced, etc. Ready to simmer 4-5 hours.

Still simmering after 3 hours ... just one more to go. Time to get water bath ready for jars.

Sanitized jars are filled with 2T lemon juice and the super-yummy sauce.

Dropped into water bath - carefully - for 40 minutes.

All canned and ready to store (well, once they cool).

Bon appetit!

P.S. Tomato sauce is SUPER low-calorie and high fiber. I like to serve it on julienned zucchini mixed with noodles in order to lessen the carbohydrates and increase the flavor and veggie love.

Very filling AND healthy zucchini "pasta"

Successful trial run for trail running

Ok, so this is super duper exciting for me ... FINALLY, I have found a way to love running!

As you know, I've struggled with this. I want to love running, I really do. However, I don't. It's boring and each morning my run just feels like 30 minutes of torture that I endure so that I can feel proud of myself for said torturous endurance the rest of the day. Sure, I feel fantastic after my runs - but I feel miserable during them. Until yesterday.

Kevin and I joined a Meet Up group that goes hiking every other week. We drove about 45 minutes out of the city to a small state park and joined 24 others in a lovely four-mile hike. We took Chester (dog) and had a blast.

About half a mile into the hike, Chester decided he needed to relieve himself. Kevin bagged it up and we left the bag planning to come back at the end of the hike so we wouldn't have to carry the stink package with us. So, after our hike and a lovely little picnic lunch, we rested and went back into the woods to retrieve Chester's doggy bag.

Feeling refreshed, we decided to run the trail. And it was AWESOME! Admittedly, it was a hard run. And I was pretty ashamed when I realized I could barely breathe after running a mere quarter of a mile, but the shame was replaced with joy as I realized how much fun I was having. First off, while running this trail, I felt very in-tune with my surroundings. I wasn't worried about anything but where to put my foot next and whether I was going to fall and roll down a hill to my death. The exhilaration I felt while gravity and my athleticism (ha, yeah right) propelled me down the steep hills was indescribable.  My blood was pumping, my lungs were burning, and my face was lit up with delight.

Basically, I loved every second of the hardest run I've ever tried and am not even disheartened by how hard it was (um, hello: wearing pants + full stomach from lunch + already hiked 4 miles that day = exhaustion and lack of energy). I said something to Kevin about the idea of trail running and he said he really enjoyed it, too.

Lucky for us, we live in an area of the country with a lot of trails to run. And we've decided to run them. I visited Active.com today and found a great article about the best trails to run across the country. That, plus my decision to register for an actual train race in the next few months has me very excited for fall and training. (I'm pretty sure this will be a race I run ... or this one ... or both!).

Yes, there is a lot of training ahead of me - and sadly during the week very little of it will get to be on trails - but I'm excited for weekend runs. That's right. I'm excited. About running. How awesome is that?

Gym Nat

It's been a roller-coaster summer, weight-wise for me. I was headed on a lovely downward roll a few weeks ago and was swept right back into an uphill climb by some dumb decisions (one drink rule!). This week hasn't all been brains, but I added some brawn and feel pretty good about it.

Basically, it all started two weeks ago when I saw my dog pee on the playroom carpet. I couldn't stand it anymore, my friend came over and we just ripped it all out. Bye-bye stinky carpet! I stepped on the scale right after hours spent pulling and moving furniture and stuff and saw a beautiful 145.4!!! And then, I went to a party...

So, fast forward to this week, I finally decided just what I wanted to do with the space my organization efforts created in the playroom. After two days of work: painting, scrubbing, hauling, lifting, and even some wall-art making, I'm now the proud owner of a Zen Gym!!! It's ok, I'll answer if you call me a Gym Nat.

Ta da!!!

I wanted to make a place for me to easily access all of my workout equipment. I'm looking for some workout charts and still need to hang my resistance bands and jump ropes on the wall, but otherwise, the room is all done. I've got space for yoga and stability ball work and the tv is ready in case I decide to buy another digital converter for evening watching (rarely do it, but when I do I should totally multi-task for my body, right?) or a dvd player or vcr to watch movies and workout videos. Of course, there is always my laptop for that too ...

Anyway, I've used it two days in a row now! Perhaps it's my imagination, but I'm already seeing more definition in my legs. I swear.

The motivation has followed me in other areas of my day too: I'm sticking to my healthy eating better and I went on a 5-mile walk with a friend last night! The scale was pretty friendly this morning, though it doesn't count as a weigh in, and I'm pleased.

I just need to keep up this momentum! In fact, I think I'll go lift a bit now ...

Fro Yo Go Go

So, we all know just how much I love all things ice cream-esque. Last summer Kevin and I discovered a lovely ice cream and sno-cone shop two miles from the house and made it our habit to walk there whenever we wanted tasty goodness. Since then, two amazing things have happened.

First, our television was stolen. We didn't watch a lot of tv anyway, but with nothing but an old console left we don't watch nearly as many movies or video games these days. Instead, we look for other ways to pass our evenings.

Second, two frozen yogurt shops moved into the area.

Did you just hear angels singing? Yeah, I know: Evening activity + Fro Yo = Natalie and Kevin walking at least three miles almost every evening.

It's totally win, win, win too. I satisfy my ice cream fix, the dog du jour gets their energy walked out, I burn calories, and Kevin and I get to spend quality time together. It's awesome! I burn 250 calories or so walking two and from the fro yo shop and only consume 150 calories (and calcium!) eating my tasty treat. Plus, it makes for a lovely cool down in the middle of working out (yes, we walk briskly!) in this heat.

There are two frozen yogurt shops to choose from - PeachWave and Yogurtini. Peachwave is a 3-mile walk through the hip part of town. Yogurtini is a 3.9-mile walk through the fancy part of town. They each offer different flavors and different scenery so it never gets boring.

Today was hot. Officially the hottest day of the year with the high at 110 in some locations. My phone said it felt like 104 just a few moments ago. When I got up this morning and saw that the temp had already reached 90, I decided I wouldn't be able to handle my Couch to 5k routine. I was disappointed because I really do like the way I feel once I'm finished.

Anyway, because I missed the run this morning, we decided to walk the 3.9 miles to Yogurtini. The weirdest thing happened on the way home. I blame the heat ... and the fro yo.

I grabbed Sadie's leash and started running. I hollered to Kevin to tell me when 90 seconds had passed. Then, I walked 90 seconds and started running again - this time for 3 minutes. As I started that three-minute run I decided to just do today's Couch to 5k routine. And I did it!

Once I got home and brought my body temp out of the triple digits using a sugar-free Fudgesicle, I was thrilled with myself. The old Natalie would have let the heat stop her and use it as an excuse. But it looks like I turned it into a challenge or something. Because I certainly didn't let it stop me.

The last three minutes about killed me. Did I mention the heat??? And I hadn't really hydrated with running in mind. And I'd already walked 2 miles before even contemplating running. And even Sadie was so exhausted she just laid down at one point. BUT I DID IT. And I kind of feel invincible. Almost.

At first I was just proud to make myself work for my treats. I recommend it to everyone. All working out should come with awesomeness like frozen yogurt, right? Plus, you'll feel like you can take on the world. Or at least 110 degrees at 6 miles an hour - in intervals.

Weigh Day Happiness

I weighed in this morning at 146.4 - a mere 1.4 pounds away from re-entering Healthy Land. I'm beginning to feel like my new self again!

I completed Day 2 of Week 2 of Couch to 5k this morning. I missed last week because I was in trial - but trust me, that is a work out on it's own. I wonder how many calories you burn writing 100 mph for 8 hours. The running isn't too terrible - hardly even painful - and I feel GREAT after.

I'm also beginning to see a lot more muscle definition. I'm not quite at a six pack or anything, but there is definitely improvement in just the past month.

Did I mention that I quit my part time job? I worked at a gourmet grocery store from Thanksgiving until the middle of June - the exact time frame when I started struggling with maintaining my weight. I don't think that's a coincidence. I'm pretty sure all the expired chocolate I consumed in that time is the culprit (as was my lack of will power) and I am VERY glad to be separated from it. Honestly, the weight loss started up again after I quit.

I just love how good I feel about myself right now. When I was gaining some of the weight back, I felt lost and out of control. But now that I am back on track I feel good again. I feel healthy and happy.

And that's how I want to feel forever!!!

Great Resources to Start your Journey

Want to lose weight? Here are some resources that REALLY helped as I embarked on my weight loss journey. Seriously.

1. Hungry Girl. Visit www.hungry-girl.com and sign up for her daily (yes, an email every day) emails with great snack ideas and meals. She takes "normal food" and figures out how to make it healthy. I loved her when I was easing into healthier eating. She is great for the beginning changes in lifestyle.

2. Eat This, Not That, from Men's Health. Again, this is a daily email. I like daily emails bc they remind me, first thing - everyday - that my goal is to eat healthy and make good decisions. Sign up for the free e-newsletter here: http://eatthis.menshealth.com/home

3. Find an app or site that will help you track calories and foods. I love Sparkpeople.com a good friend of mine loves Loseit.com ... Also, Weight Watchers has one too, I think. After each meal (snacks too!), enter your foods and keep track of your intake. Don't do too little, but of course don't eat too much! Sparkpeople also allows me to track my fitness stuff and then gives a differential so I know how many calories I burned over what I consumed. Know this: to lose ONE pound, you must burn 3500 more calories than you consume.

4. Fast Food Salvation: We are busy people and can't always cook every meal. For that, I keep a list in my glove compartment of 35 fast food options that are less than 500 calories. VERY handy! http://weightloss.about.com/od/eatsmart/a/052207a.htm

5. Not a resource, but still important: Eat breakfast. Seriously. Everyday. Kick off your metabolism within an hour of waking up and your body will learn to trust that you are going to feed it. Then, eat every 3 hours or so. A lot of times our bodies horde calories out of fear it won't get fueled again soon. Give your body what it wants (and what you probably love if you are like me): FOOD. Just not too much :)

Challenge Accepted

A local company has issued a challenge to Kansas City ... the KC Slimdown. Basically, teams of 4-6 people compete to see which team will have the highest percentage of weight loss by Oct. 9, 2011. The winners get a trip to the Hyatt Regency Scottsdale Resort and Spa.

Since Abigail and I are so competitive, we called up friends and started a team.  We plan to win, of course. This morning, 4 of our 5 team members met at the local farmer's market to go for a morning walk and get to know each other. The contest officially starts tomorrow.

We all had to officially weigh in at a local YMCA and received free t-shirts and tape measures (The shirts say "Challenge Accepted" on the back). It's a great idea to get friends and co-workers together with the goal of getting healthier. Each of the members of TUFF STUFF is shooting to lose at least 10% of our weight during the contest.

We walked two miles this morning, burning about 150 calories.  Then we hit the farmer's market for fresh veggies to eat this week. I'm excited to have a team to help me out of this plateau. I've lost a couple of pounds already! Another teammate and I weigh about the same, but I think she's thinner. Abigail has dubbed it a contest between the skinny girls. I don't know about that - I'm really competing against myself, but I'll happily serve as someone else's motivation if they need it!

Anyway, I sent an email to my teammates yesterday with resources I found most helpful while losing most of the 50 pounds I've lost so far. Since the resources are probably useful to others who stumble upon this blog now, I'm going to repost them in their own entry for 50n50 readers.

And to my competitors, see you at the finish line!

Thoughts on this Weigh Day

I'm happy to announce my weight this morning was 149.8. I'm back in the 140s. Five pounds more and I won't be overweight anymore. Ten pounds and I'll be in new territory. I want new territory!

There are a million thoughts running through my head and none go together to make a lovely blog entry ... so, here are the top three.

1. I'm excited to hear from 4 of the "Ladies (and Gentleman) in Weighting" who are still hanging with me and wanting to get back on track as we head into the second half of this year. I challenge each of you to write a blog entry this week all about your plans for getting back on track. For me, I'm counting my calories each day and running the Couch to 5k program (again).

2. After the morning I had (involving cat pee and fleas - a dreaded 4-letter word in my house), it's a miracle I got out of bed, much less went running. But I did and things are already looking up. Mainly because this means I don't have to run again for almost 48 hours. This morning's run wasn't all that terrible to be honest. I was glad to get out of the house and away from everything that needed doing there. Also, Monday's run felt great during the first two (of eight) intervals. By interval four I was hurting ... and by eight, I wanted to die. Today felt great through interval four, by six I was hurting and by eight I was nauseated. But I didn't want to die so yay!

3. After yesterday's post, I received an email from my aunt full of words of encouragement. She pointed out that everyone is always starting over because things happen in life and we get distracted. "Don't beat yourself up anymore, you have just joined the starting over club." And she's right - except for one thing (I was wrong on this too, so it's not just her). I'm not starting over. I'm starting again and there is a BIG difference in those two ideas. Starting over would mean I was back at the beginning, but I'm not. Mind, body and spirit, I'm not where I was two years ago. I truly thank my aunt for her kind words - and for thinking I'm beautiful no matter what I weight. Love you!

Friendly Reminder

Me and Kevin pre-5k Sept. 2010

I got to talking with some of the interns at work yesterday and introduced one to 50n50. She was shocked when I told her how much I used to weigh. I needed it hear it. I'm sorry to say it, but I needed the reminder of how far I've come in the past two years - how hard I worked and how much success I found. I needed to be reminded that the sacrifices involved are worth it.

Lately, I've been battling issues in my head because I still think like a fat girl. I still look in the mirror and find a million flaws in my body.

"You do?" She said to me, shocked. Yes, I do!

Basically, it comes down to this: I always assumed 150 pounds was a lot smaller than it is. I thought my legs would no longer rub together when I ran and that I'd look amazing in a bathing suit. But here I am, buying Body Glide to prevent chafing and refusing to even try on a swim suit until my thighs get under control.

If you follow me on Twitter (@50n50), then you know that I started the Couch to 5k (C25k) training program yesterday morning. It's the program I used last fall to get into shape for my first 5k and it worked really well. I mean, I actually ran a continuous 3 miles so that's a win, right? After the Race for the Cure, I trained a couple more weeks with the idea of running a 10k, but I didn't get very far. And since then? Nothing.

And that's where I screwed up. I stopped being active ... So, I'm starting over.

Now, don't go thinking I've suddenly found a piece of me that loves running - because I haven't. But the Couch to 5k program take about 30 mins a day only three times a week and I've decided I can handle doing something I don't really like for a mere 90 minutes a week. I've also been adding in some strength training for 15 minutes on my off days, courtesy of Women's Health.

For yesterday's run, I decided to change how I approach C25K. Usually, I jog it - pacing myself to make sure I have energy for the finish. But a couple of weeks ago, while jogging with Kevin I asked him to look at my form. We decided I run like a fat girl (my words, not his!).  I take shorts, clomping steps and roll my hips. I look like I'm lumbering down the road. He suggested I lengthen my stride and run like I'm free, not like I'm carrying the weight of the world.

So, that's how I ran yesterday. No jogging - all running. And I felt free for the first time in a while!!! (Well, until I felt like I was going to die, but that's why I started the program at the beginning).

Plus, I found a piece of me that loves the feeling I get after I run - the feeling of accomplishment, control, and yes, energy. Because of my morning run, I spent yesterday in a great mood.

I spent yesterday being reminded of all that I have done and all that I can do. And I needed that friendly reminder.

Not another round

I've really been crapping out this summer and for that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to y'all and I'm sorry to me.

Now that I've covered that, it's time to get my butt back on track. Somehow.

I'm back to weighing 152 on a consistent basis and thus back to being upset with myself. You'd think that would be enough to wake me up, and most times it is. But when it's not I really screw up.

Let's just say I've been having a really enjoyable summer full of a lot of ... adult beverages. Not daily, by any means, but it seems at least 3-4 times a month I can be found on the happy cloud with half a bottle of cherry vodka wondering what happened to the rest. Well, that has only happened once this summer. But you get my drift, right?

Take last week, for example. July Fourth involved 3 beers and a peach vodka and 7-Up concoction. To make up for it, I woke up early July 5 and walked 2.25 miles. Then, that evening, I mowed the lawn and walked another 2.75 miles (to get fro-yo, but still!). All was good. I had a lovely week sticking to my calories and adding exercise when I could. Then came Friday and a cook-out with friends. And 3 beers and (Skinny Girl) margaritas. Hello, backslide. 

I feel like I'm treading in scary waters - I don't want people to walk away form this post thinking an intervention is needed. This isn't that kind of cry for help.

If there is one thing I should be an expert at these days it's moderation. So, it's time to remind myself of my goals and not lose sight of the long term just because the moment is so tempting.

A drink here and there isn't a bad thing - but it's important to remember those drinks aren't free. Sure, MGD 64 only has 64 calories - but my tastes are much more refined than that!

My upward spiral

Since the beginning of May, I'm ashamed to say, I've gained weight. Maybe you noticed I haven't been updating the weekly Weigh Day information ... it's because I was on an upward shame spiral. Last week was the worst. I hit 152 when I stepped on the scale Wednesday. For my height, that's seven pounds overweight.

It's no secret that I've been stuck in a slump. All you have to do is look at the titles of my posts over the past few months to see how much I've struggled.


I shouldn't have let myself create this big finish line for a goal that wasn't my ultimate goal. Once I hit that goal weight, I let down my guard and it triggered a retreat of sorts. One that I really regret right now!

I'm angry because I worked so hard to lose that weight and gaining it back is NOT acceptable.  Plus, seven pounds up means seven more pounds to lose to reach my ultimate goal weight - and that's about 7 extra weeks! But I have to admit it's my own fault. All I've done lately is talk about my plans to lose more weight, but I've acted on very few of these plans.

As it happens, a friend came to me last week because she wanted help losing weight. She doesn't know about my recent struggles and it was nice to be with someone who sees me as a success story. It's the old adage - I'm my worst critic and I've been bringing myself down. I've been my own road block.

Sitting down with her, creating a plan for calories and meals and giving her my tips and tricks really reminded me of the basics that I followed not-too-long-ago.

I set out to help her, but I think I helped me in the process. I'm back to counting my calories and tracking how much water I drink. I'm monitoring my fiber intake (I noticed my system wasn't as regular as it used to be). I even went on a 3-mile walk last night with Kevin and Sadie last night. This morning, I stepped on the scale for Weigh Day and it came up at 148! I'm not even letting myself freak out because it means I've lost 4 pounds this week - I'm pretty sure it was water and waste thanks to getting my system back on track.

I'm not calling declaring myself cured - far from that. But this is a step in the right direction. Finally.

Summertime

... and the living's sneezy. Grass is growin' and the pollen is high.

I am super-stoked that summer is here, but sad because I'm sick. Not sure if it's allergies (I don't usually have summer allergies, but anything is possible), I just know I've felt icky the past few days and had to call in sick to work today.

So, here I am blogging - finally. It's been awhile, so let me catch you up.

As school ended, my summer life started taking shape and I couldn't be more excited for the next 2.5 months! I'm not taking any normal classes, but am working as a research assistant and creating an independent research project for credit later in the summer. I'm still working my part-time job, but just one day a week and I'm interning with a local public defender's office full time. I guess listed out like this it looks like a lot, but it certainly doesn't feel like it!

I come home every day at 5:30 and get to enjoy my evenings without the guilt that hangs over me during the normal semester. Not having to read 150 pages a day from a law book is totally and completely a vacation for me!

So far, I've settled into an easy routine. I get up, make coffee and eat breakfast. Then, I walk half a mile to the nearest bus stop and bus the 25 minutes to work, walk another half mile to my office and then spend the day hoofing it around downtown as only interns do. At 4:30, I walk the half mile back to my bus stop and ride home. All in all, though I keep forgetting to wear my pedometer, I'm walking between 2-3 miles a day.  I wear flip flops when walking to or from the bus (unless I'm wearing pants). But as much as I walk around downtown in heels, I'm hoping for some killer calves by August!

I've been working on the front porch a lot lately - pretty much creating an outdoor dining room and kitchen. At least three nights a week we can be found sitting on the porch grilling our dinner. I love that my house is so shady and cool despite the 90-degree temps we've had this past week.  Yay, trees!

Thanks to some hard work, my jungle of a lawn is finally under control and ready for it's weekly cuts. I have a big yard, so I take two days to mow it. The front yard gets cut on Mondays and the back yard on Wednesdays. Usually it takes about 30 mins to mow each side, but thanks to the crazy rain we've had lately, I spent almost two hours on my backyard this week. My Sparkpeople.com app says I burned 500 calories!

That's the thing I love about mowing - it burns a lot more calories than I ever realized. And y'all know me - I love multi-tasking. Burning so many calories while also taking care of a chore is awesome to me.

For the Memorial Day holiday, we bought a badminton set. Sure, most people think badminton is boring and slow, but the way we play (poorly!), it's fun and involves a lot of running after birdies. I'm thinking we can upgrade to a full size volleyball net later in the summer. My neighbors are totally down for some couple against couple action!

And there you have it - be on the lookout for a few blogs in the next few days. I've got a lot of time to make up for and I'm sorry about that.

Git' 'er done

My fridge has a to-do list magnet on it with paper notes below it for making lists. On it, my boyfriend wrote, "Too many things. See digital list."

Natalie tells me that it is an achievement in itself to maintain consistent weight. I'm mostly within the same weight as when I started this two years ago with Natalie. She has made significant strides and changes in her life and shown a great deal of courage and commitment. I have been caught with the rigors of life, unable to maintain consistency with any aspect of life.

I complete my term as President for the Austin chapter of AIGA, the professional association for design this month. This has been a rewarding and demanding experience, challenging my calendar in creative ways. I've had dozens of lunches and evening activities during this role and they're taking their toll on my body. I am always planning to get to that workout routine, but have yet to achieve this. So, in the midst of relationship turmoil, I created ME resolutions. I missed New Year's celebrations, so it seemed appropriate. I divided the upcoming time in to "quarters." Now, I near the end of the first quarter and look dimly on my achievements. Everything is in progress and yet to be achieved.

That does not mean my schedule was wanton for activity. Indeed, much has occurred. My mom started dating for the first time in twelve years, became engaged, and is now to be wed this weekend. I did start a company also, The Underwater Designer. I have done three trips under this company, Utah, Florida/Alabama, and Louisiana/Mississippi. Those have happened already, though the website is sorely needing updating! Again, not for lack of commitment, but rather because I have been tending to client work that developed from my initial launch.

And so, I move forward, hoping not to be too hard on myself, but rather give myself credit for what I have achieved and also to knuckle down on commitments in their respective priorities. I hope to at least establish a workout routine, finish a book I started a year ago, finish my big painting, get the poster for sale that is now finally complete and framed, and finish my current client project.

I turn 30 this coming July. This work will be done before my party as that is a set deadline. By then, perhaps my body will start agreeing with me and running will trim me back down.

Fast food and me

Morgan Spurlock speaking on May 6, 2011.

Last Friday, I attended a media law seminar and got to listen to Morgan Spurlock talk about some behind-the-scenes stuff regarding his movie "Super Size Me."

I hadn't seen the movie, but after seeing clips during Spurlock's talk (he loves and REALLY appreciates his attorneys, by the way), I decided to watch the documentary on Hulu.

I wish I could say fast food wasn't a big part of my diet before I decided to focus on my health, but of course, I'd be lying.

Mom tried to teach me better habits - she hated McDonalds and rarely took me - though I remember a few episodes of pretty amazing begging following my epic tantrums. No worries, though, I got my Happy Meal fixes from other relatives ...

Fast forward a few years and I have flashes of memories from the last decade of life on my own: Shakes at Jack In the Box with boyfriends; Mucho Nachos from Taco Bueno for a normal dinner; 16 oz. cups of crinkle cut fries and a 20 oz Coke from Del Taco after a bad day(s) at work; Sausage McGriddles for a weekend breakfast; Potato wedges covered in cheese, bacon and sour cream from Jack in the Box after a night of drinking; Arby's curly fries for a snack; Wendy's fried chicken sandwiches for lunches ... The list could go on and on (Don't even get me started on the sodas).

Man, I ate horrible things way too often in my life!  During one particularly hard summer right after my boyfriend and I split, I remember eating McDonalds at least 3 nights a week and possibly as many mornings. At that time, I'd lost my desire to do anything but eat and sleep. I did a lot of both things, sadly.

Thank goodness my habits are much improved, but it was slow-going. I had a dependency on fast food. It was fast and "cheap" and I was short on time and money. I never planned my meals and when I was too tired to cook, I'd stop somewhere. My story is the same as most Americans, sadly.

As one who eases into dramatic things such as entire life changes, I treated fast food as I treated other dietary changes. I knew I needed to cut it out, but I also felt like I needed it as a crutch for those times when I didn't have the time or energy to cook. When I started 50n50, I worked fast food into the plans. I kept a list of meals I could order at various restaurants that were less than 500 calories. I recommend it to most people also - it was a great way for me to start out on the quest for better living.

Slowly, I learned healthier ways to eat fast and cheap. I learned to plan my meals and work with a meal budget. Now, I cook enough for 2-4 meals all for the cost of a "value meal." I haven't completely cut out fast food, but it's more like once a month now - if that (I hate to admit it, especially after watching "Super Size Me," but I still love Chicken McNuggets!).



This evening while watching Spurlock's documentary,  I thought to myself, "When was the last time I even ate fast food?" And then I remembered when ... not two hours ago! Kevin and I walked up there for ice cream ... Hmmm.

Crunch Time!!!

It's a boy version of me as an M&M!!!

Finals are here and that means one thing: Crunch Time.

Figurative meaning: My first exam is tomorrow so I am in the final hours of cramming and prepping for whatever essay hypotheticals my professor can create surrounding Sports Law and Regulations. I'm a good sport, so I'm game.  Hardy har har.

Literal Meaning: You've heard me say it before ... I get the munchies when I get stressed. Well, today is my day of vindication. Turns out, it's completely normal and necessary!!! Oh yes, finally(!), a food-related "issue" I don't have to solve.

"See, the urge to eat when situations get hairy is an evolutionary instinct triggered by certain chemicals," according to my daily Eat This, Not That email (delivering info from both Men's Health and Womens" Health). How do they know exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it?

Thanks to the peeps over at Women's Health, I now have a list of things to eat (and drink) to handle various forms of stress. As suspected, fruit is a good one. But surprisingly so are M&Ms!!! Yeah, I bought a bag of the recommended peanut variety with lunch. Haha.

I also have a big bowl full of apples and oranges. Plus, a bunch of bananas. There might be some grapes left too ... those usually go pretty fast thanks to the same oral fixation that takes over whenever someone opens a bag of chips. 


Anyway, as part of the literal crunch time, that's all I have time to write. But check out the link for the lovely tips for boosting serotonin, etc!

I turn to food

Phone calls at three a.m. are never good. The call I received Saturday morning was no different: someone had broken into my house. It wasn't until 7:30 that morning that we realized the full extent of everything. They took my tv, heirloom jewelry, my digital camera ... and Kevin's car.

Needless to say, it was a bad weekend.

Kevin and I were in Texas for an annual family party and to meet my grandfather's fiancee. When this happened, we cut the trip short and left after meeting my soon-to-be-step-gma. We drove back home on about three hours of sleep, stressed and freaked. I made a couple of Facebook updates about the situation and was stopped short by a comment my cousin's wife made.

"I'm so sorry. I hope all the positive changes you have made in your life help you to deal with this stressful time."

That got me thinking about my natural reaction to stressful things. 

When Kevin and I finished breakfast with the family, we drove about half an hour and stopped to use WiFi and take care of a few things online.  It was noon by this time and we'd been up since 9 hours with only three hours of sleep. All I could think was: I need a milkshake.

Honestly, I think that instinct comes from baby-hood when our parents hand us a bottle to stop our crying. I just wanted to curl into a ball and alternate sucking my thumb with sucking a chocolate shake. All while rubbing my ear lobe. 


When in times of stress, clearly I turn to food. 


Just add that to the list of things I need to handle ... including two different insurance adjusters, finals, final papers, summer financial aid, starting paperwork for summer jobs, my grandfather's upcoming wedding and my own sense of self-worth that is teetering thanks to all of the above.

Accountability is key

Updating my weight on the blog this morning was one of the hardest things I've had to do lately!

I weighed in at 149.6 pounds and that is ... BAD.

Since a big part of 50n50 is accountability, I posted the number on the blog - though I was very tempted to "forget." The first step in the 50n50 process was admitting my weight. Having it out there, for the world to see has been a big motivator. I can't stop being honest now - no matter how ashamed of myself I am.

It's only going to be up there a week. And maybe I needed a shocking number like that to reiterate how important it is to make good, educated decisions all day, every day.

I won't allow anymore self-loathing to enter this game, either. It would be easy to say "Forget it! I give up" and go to McDonalds for a McGriddle, but I'm worth more than that! I may not measure my destination by where I started, but I sure can measure my worth by how far I've come! And baby, I've come too far to turn back now.

So, today I weigh 149.6. But that won't be the case next week. You'll see. 

"Yardstick ninja"

I've expressed my frustrations lately to several people and they all said the same thing. "Look how far you've come." And then they suggested that I don't need to lose any more weight. I disagree.
I don't know how else to get it through to people - myself included - but whenever I step on the scale and see a number above 145 I get pissed at myself. I didn't lose 50 pounds just to gain even a single pound back! I worked my tail off - literally - over the past year to get healthy. Whenever that scale says anything more than 145, it means I'm not healthy. 

Everyone needs a yardstick - something they use to measure themselves and monitor their status. If we don't have something to use, then we won't know when things are going well or when they are going to shit.  I chose the BMI scale as my yardstick and anything above 145 is unacceptable because that is an overweight BMI for my height.

Call me a "Yardstick ninja," but I don't want to weigh more than 145 again. It's not about where I started. It's about where I am at this moment. Maybe I don't need to get down to 125, but if you look at my weight this week (146), you'll see that I am "overweight" according to my yardstick.And that is unacceptable to me.

I don't like the idea of beating myself up over a pound. It sounds mentally unhealthy, right? But 145 is the absolute top end for me when it comes to weight. Weight naturally fluctuates by a pound or two in either direction. Because of this, I feel like I need a buffer. Do you understand? I want to feel like it's okay to fluctuate by a few pounds throughout the month (or even throughout winter!) and not feel like I'm playing yoyo with my health. I hate being healthy one day and overweight the next. I don't want to feel overweight ever again.

I feel like a broken record saying this, but clearly I still need to hear it. I've been talking about this damn buffer since November and I'm still stuck seeing numbers on the scale that make me overweight.

I'm coming to terms with the reality of my new self. As I'm letting myself admit that I hate running and love chocolate and trying to work out a lifestyle that takes these things into consideration, I am beginning to feel like myself again. I'm beginning to feel back in control and calm about my goals. So, I won't weigh 125 by mid-June. I'm ok with that, so long as I'm done weighing more than 145!

And with that, calorie counting is back! Tomorrow's weigh in will be icky - but it's the start of a new week and I'm totally ready for it!

Today, I consumed 1385 calories, 202 carbs, 32 grams of fat, and 83 grams of protein.

Facing Facts

May 2009: The weekend I was accepted to law school.

When I started the 50n50 journey, I had a plan. First, I altered my diet.  Then, after I lost about 25 pounds, I added physical activity.

I think it was this decision that ultimately led to my success. I first became accountable for my diet and then adjusted that diet to take care of my body's needs as I added physical activity. As things progressed, I saw the importance of diet - not just in weight loss, but in fueling your body.

Getting control of the diet first was key for me. Otherwise, I know how I would have acted: "Oh I walked 5 miles today, that means I can have ice cream without feeling guilty." But by the time I was walking 5 miles at a time, I knew my body needed protein and carbohydrates to fuel itself and would snack on something that would feed those needs. (Sure, maybe it was frozen yogurt, but I chose it for the nutritional values AND the taste, not just the taste!)

Now that I've hit a new wall, I have to face facts: I can't keep losing weight by diet alone.

Sure, you might say "duh" but there are times when I'm slow to see things - especially when I'm overwhelmed with school and work. I've been watching my numbers fluctuate between 141 and 147 since the moment I hit my goal weight. And, strangely enough, it was the moment I hit 145 that winter came to Kansas City and I stopped working out. Yes, I've let my discipline slip a bit and have an extra sweet more often than I should, but that's something that should be okay at this point. If this is the eating lifestyle I want to maintain, then I've got to get the physical part in check.

And it's not going to happen today, tomorrow, or next week. I have to be realistic. Here's the thing: I am overwhelmed with school this semester and am having a really hard time taking care of my responsibilities as it is. I honestly don't think I can fit exercise into my routine. Please understand it is REALLY hard for me to admit that I can't do everything I want to do right now. Really hard.


That said: I have another plan (of course I do!). School ends in 4 weeks. And with that comes a new routine! I'll be working in Kansas City and won't have to commute to campus (about an hour) all summer. I won't be taking classes so there won't be a lot of reading assignments to finish each day and I'll probably be quitting my job. So, as soon as I take my last final, I will be back out there - pounding the ground with my books on tape and getting physical.

I just have to make it through the next month. I walk to work on the weekends and do what I can when I can, but I'm going to stop sweating my lack of sweating. I have to - otherwise I'm going to go all kinds of crazy. Priorities shift sometimes, but it's all for the ultimate goal of becoming the best version of me I can be. And that includes finishing law school!

Put the chocolate down

I wish I could say I came back after vacation my new "usual" self - full of willpower and a renewed energy to maintain my healthy lifestyle.

Sure, I started my gym membership and had a pretty positive fitness evaluation (27.5% body fat is my best score ever!), but I missed my first session because a law school commitment took more time than I expected.

Also, I've eaten my weight in chocolate over the last week - at least.

First, Kevin's birthday was Thursday so I made him a pretty sunflower cake - at his request. I used my pumpkin trick and made it low fat, but the icing and buttterscotch chips (not to mention the Peeps) that topped it certainly weren't. Sure, it's about 180 calories a serving (entire cake is 20 small servings), but I ate AT LEAST 8 servings between Thursday and Sunday. I had two servings as breakfast Friday!

And don't even get me started on the leftover icing that I ate like it was going out of style - literally sticking my fingers in the jar at least half a dozen times Friday alone.

Then, Friday night at work involved checking the grocery department for expired foods - and a lot of chocolate was outdated and subsequently opened for our enjoyment. Officially, Cadbury's Picnic bar (with raisins and caramel) is the best candy bar in the world.

Guys, things were so bad, even Kevin turned to me and said "Are you ok?" I was gorging on so much chocolate I think he almost felt compelled to buy a pregnancy test just to allay his concerns regarding this unusual behavior. (I'm not, don't worry)

Now, it is the theory of my "trainer" that my body is craving sugar because a lifestyle like mine - 18 months of only 1300 calories a day - has possibly caused a low blood sugar issue. But I think that's crap. Low blood sugar (hypoglycemia) doesn't lead to cravings, it leads to much more serious symptoms that include trembling, clammy skin, headaches, and eventually seizures and coma. It does not include nonexistent willpower. Nope, this is nothing but a mental issue. And possibly a dehydration issue.

I read somewhere, years ago, that most times when we think we are hungry, we are actually just thirsty. Apparently, before engorging on a random snack, it's best to drink a glass of water, wait a few minutes and then evaluate whether you are still hungry. But I haven't been doing that - I've been going straight to the choco-crack.

And last night I figured out why: I'm bored with water again. I'm craving flavor and water just ain't doing it for me. It's a hard dilemma too - for every article you show me that says tea and coffee don't cause dehydration, I can show you another that says they do.

It just seems best to just stick to water. Sure, there is Gatorade and Powerade .... but those are meant to replenish nutrient loss like potassium and sodium after sweaty exertion, not to substitute h20. Besides, other problems come into play with each of the other favored "water-based" drinks like tea, coffee and sodas. So, what do I do? I'm not sure yet, but short of developing a chocolate water drink (we sell chocolate tea, by the way and it has me very intrigued), I need to find a solution soon.

Otherwise, I might slip into a chocolate-induced coma ... and that definitely wouldn't be because of low blood sugar! I did finally throw that cursed container of chocolate icing into the trash last night. And I woke up this morning feeling a bit less loosey-goosie and more in control of myself. Here's hoping!

Back and ready for action

Rehab in the Shawnee National Forest
included a backpacking and hiking trip.

Rehab is for quitters. You've heard the joke before, right? Well, for this quitter, rehab was just what I needed.

The week was wonderful. I checked lots of stuff off my To Do list that have been on there for months. I rested, I ate, I was active and I had a generally happy time (except when I got food poisoning - booo).  I also addressed a few truths and am ready to be back with a few changes.

First of all, I am only going to weigh myself each week. I know, that's what I've been doing, right? Wrong. I was doing it every day. I would wake up, pee, weigh myself, then drink water and get started with my day. Everything I thought once I was out of bed was about the scale .. and what I'd eaten the day before and how the scale would interpret my efforts. And that's not healthy. I have become obsessed with the scale. There are many theories about using the scale as a guide for progress, and I completely subscribe to those theories. You don't have to define yourself by the scale, but use it as a measure. Weighing once a week, at the most, is recommended, I've read numerous articles about it because there was a time in my life when I refused to weigh myself (and I ended up getting to my largest size). So, because I am still hoping to drop pounds, I won't stop weighing myself. The scale, however, is officially moved from my kitchen, into the linen closet - and there it will remain, unless it's Wednesday morning.

Second, I don't like running. And that's okay. This is a really hard truth for me to face because I always thought I wanted to be a runner. I mean, the women that grace the cover of Runner's World all look so euphoric in their Nikes and tight shorts, in tune with the road and happy to pound the pavement. But ff I liked running, then I would do it more. It's that simple. What isn't simple is my next move. I have to find an activity that enjoy that is healthy, low-cost, and easy to do several times a week. That will be my focus over the next few weeks. I have several activities in mind and I will definitely keep y'all posted as I figure out which is best for me.

Finally, I have to trust myself. For the most part, I eat healthy. But I've been splurging a lot lately and then beating myself up for it. And that has to stop. I wouldn't define my recent habits as binging, but they are clearly signs that 1300 calories a day is beginning to wear me out.  I've been doing it for 18 months! But instead of assigning myself a new calorie allowance, I am going to continue NOT counting calories.  I wish I could find a nutrient tracker that doesn't count calories, because I want to keep focusing on my fiber, iron, protein, and calcium. But it's time to trust myself for awhile. It's time to relax the rules and have faith in my knowledge of healthy eating.


I promised I would come back with a renewed energy and as proof, I have a fitness appointment tonight at my local gym. I bought a 3-month membership for $20 thanks to Morgan's Deals. I also have a few things planned for the next few months. Spring softball is coming up so I'm looking for a Thursday night league, Abigail and I will be bootcamping it in June (Living Social deal!) and I'm on my search for MY activity. Got any suggestions for me? I'm open to ideas!

Weightloss Rehab

I have a tendency to run myself into the ground. I go and go and go ignoring all warning signs of exhaustion. I just keep fighting a losing battle with myself until one day I just can't move anymore.

Well, not this time.

As the past couple of blogs have shown, I nearing exhaustion with my constant worry about my weight. I've been thinking about it everyday for the past 18 months! It's almost become an obsession for me - the healthiness of which is debatable.

I need a break. Maybe even a form of detox! Clearly, I need Weightloss Rehab.

Since Spring Break is next week, I've decided to do just that: I'm checking myself into the Natalie Ford Clinic.

I'm going to let myself relax, rest, and just enjoy being me. I'm not counting calories, I'm not pre-planning meals, and I'm not weighing in. I'm not going to feel guilty about any food choices, nor am I going to justify, qualify or explain anything that happens to my body this next week. I'm just going to relax and be.

I will cook, bake, and have fun with foods. But I will also be active in some way each day. At the end of the week, I will take the time to reflect on my lifestyle and create a plan to start after my break is over.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for my break.

Grr is me

Things aren't going very well for me right now. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and for the first time since starting this journey I feel like I'm on a diet.

I don't know what to do to shake myself out of this funk, but something has to happen. I find myself wavering a lot. I start off doing really well and then I make a bad decision and another and another and before I know it a big snowball of crappy food is sitting inside my stomach. Actually, it's not all crappy. I have honestly learned new habits. What I'm fighting now is the occasional piece of junk and too much healthy stuff (like 240 calories of almonds today, on top of a doughnut - you see what I mean?).

I've been getting back in the habit of counting my calories and have done pretty well with that - but I've just been counting as I exceed my allowance so all it does is makes sure I know just how badly I screwed up that day.

I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS!!! I have to shake off this funk! Tomorrow's weigh day has me freaked out and I hate being in this position. I hate it.

Don't excuse me!

Why on earth did you let me get away with my last post? Next time I babble about such junk, call me out on it!!!

All that I wrote in that entire post was a bunch of crap. Excuses are not the answer! Excuses doesn't burn calories.

All-night work sessions are an acceptable reason to forget the ideals of a healthy lifestyle? In the words of my fave Cher: As if! Re-reading that post embarrasses me. In fact, I am tempted to delete it.

If you are going to choose to be unhealthy, fine be unhealthy. But call it like it is. Own up to it. Take responsibility for your actions! Don't try to mask it with lame justifications and "creative" explanations! It will become a slippery slope if you let yourself get away with excuses. Suddenly, you'll find yourself explaining "reasons" for all kinds of splurges and slip ups: "I made it to all my classes today. Clearly that is a special occurrence warrants cake and ice cream!" Uh huh. "I paid all my bills today. I get a cookie now!" Uh huh.

My birthday is Thursday and I plan to enjoy it. But that doesn't mean I should act like eating a junk-ton of cake is acceptable behavior. Because it isn't. It is behavior that will make me gain weight. It is behavior that won't go unpunished - either by the very foods themselves, or by my own design through working out or cutting calories elsewhere. No good eat goes unpunished.

I don't mean go all Rev. Dimsdale on yourself and hide in a closet beating the sin from your body. But you have to call it like it is - Bad Behavior - and act accordingly - Work it off!

When you give yourself a pass on making healthy choices, it almost always comes with a pass on making up for those unhealthy choices. Instead, say, "Self, if we are going to have cake today, we need to go for an extra run first!" Then it's ok to say "I ran three miles today, I can splurge a little this afternoon."

Making good choices is a piece of cake. So long as we don't wash it down with a big cold glass of Vitamin D Whole Excuses, then we'll be fine. We can have our cake and eat it too. 

Mulling my munchies

I have a big paper to finish by morning, so I'll be pulling an all-nighter. As such, I anticipate a bout of the munchies (lessons learned from many all-nighters) to strike as soon as I get settled to work. Back in the day, I would buy a 2-pound pack of Twizzlers and Froot Loops to get me through the night. But nowadays I'm trying to stick to healthy choices - even if today is Mardi Gras!

I have a box of celery sticks and some frozen butternut squash ready to be turned into butternut fries, but knowing me, this isn't going to cut it. Is this one of those tests that come along to measure my progress? If I plan for the munchies tonight, am I just giving myself a hall pass? Is that ok to do?

There are times when it's ok to relax and eat junk. Some say Mardi Gras (today!) is one of those days - you know, since it's supposed to be followed by 40 days of sacrifice. Birthdays are considered a day to chill out on diets because special food is a way to celebrate special occasions. Also, meals at a friend's house are given a free pass, too (politeness for a night trumps diets).


Generally speaking, relaxed standards apply in unique situations that have a higher public interest than healthy eating for one night. So, the question is whether the occasional all-nighter fits into this category. Let's think it through: First, all-nighters are unique occurrences; they aren't something I do every week. Instead, they occur more like 2-3 times a semester. Plus, a good grade on this paper is more important than tomorrow's weigh in. If getting a good grade is dependent on snacks, then it's worth having snacks on hand and planning for such in my daily food allowance. Thus, all-nighters are unique situations and lowering my diet standards will serve a greater public interest.

Now that I've decided it's ok to relax my standards a bit, I must qualify this. Relaxing standards doesn't mean throwing them away. We arne't talking a night of pizza and cookies. That would be dumb. Plus, if I plan out choices that are better than Twizzles and sugary cereals, then I'm still showing progress.

So, here's what I'm thinking:

1) Eat a light dinner in order to be full so I don't snack as much. Um, yeah right. If I stopped eating when I was full this wouldn't be an issue. Duh!

2) Skip dinner knowing I will be snacking into the wee hours. Clearly, the logical choice, even if it isn't the most nutritious.

I don't keep many snacky foods in the house for obvious reasons. So, I need to hit the store for provisions. What should I get?

1) My usual fare of Twizzlers and Froot Loops. Um, and that would benefit me how? It's nothing but sugar and junk.This isn't a pass for full departure of the lessons I've learned so I should go with foods that provide some nutritious benefits, right?

2) Fruits and veggies high in fiber and low in fat. This is the ideal solution, obviously. However, the cost is a problem for me. I honestly can't afford a bunch of fruits and veggies right now. I have some will certainly what have on hand - celery, cauliflower and butternut squash, but my their very nature (lacking food crunch and, sadly, sugar, they just won't be enough.

3) "Healthy" cereal. This is tonight's winning choice, I think. If I buy a small box of Mini Wheats then I'm getting fiber, which is filling and flushing, sugar, and some actual nutrients that usually come with dinner. Maybe I can even buy a bag of oranges if they are on sale.

Having this discussion with myself now is also a sign of my personal growth. I used to go by the feelings I had at the time I hit the store. Instead, I am being pro-active and planning my allotment of snack foods and creating a strategy to handle my inevitable stress-induced munchies. It was all about satisfaction in the moment - but that moment was followed by many moments of self-loathing. Thanks to this plan, I'm hoping tomorrow finds me pleased with my decisions, happy with myself, and done with my paper!

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Update: 6:15 pm

I am home from getting supplies. I bought a box of dried figs (lots of fiber!), a medium box of plain shredded wheat (even more fiber!), and a 2 liter of diet coke. I think I'm good to go.

I just finished a bowl of the shredded wheat with Splenda and cinnamon - SUPER YUMMY!

And now it's time to brew coffee and get to writing!!!