Again.

It's been almost 3 years since I stepped on that scale and saw myself in my target BMI range for the first time. And proudly, I kept all 50 pounds off for almost a year. Then life hit. I spent two months in the stressful Hell of studying for the Bar Exam and then 2 months of the worrying wait while my score was calculated. Add in time to find a job, start the job, get settled in a new community, breaking up with my boyfriend of 6 years, and learning to balance the demands of my career and BAM! I'm overweight again.

My clothes look awful. Nothing fits like it did. I see my face getting fuller again and I avoid mirrors. I am so angry with myself and I'm back on this blog in an effort to get things back under control. I blogged about this before, but clearly, I didn't stick with it.

For the record: MAINTENANCE IS HARD. Oh so very hard. I knew all along this entire thing had to be a life change. It wasn't about dieting. It was about learning to make the right choices. Life's stressers attacked. I thought I could handle them and thought I was prepared to weather a break up without gaining weight, but I handled it all wrong. I stopped counting calories because that's no way to live each day. I let some bad foods find their way back into my life ... Food took it's place again as comfort and reward. "I had a bad day, I deserve this glass (bottle) of wine," has been recited by me more times than I can count. And it has to stop. I have to stop. 

When I sat down to start blogging about this again, I mapped out a plan. After doing it for 60 weeks, I officially hate counting calories. I just can't bring myself to do it again. I mean, is that really a way to live? I don't think so. I know what is good to eat. I'm no dummy. I learned a lot when I lost those 50 pounds.

No, I'm going to try something a bit different. I'm going to focus on a different life change. I'm going to focus on adding activity to my life. It's been easy for me to say I'm too busy to work out and too broke to join a gym. But as the weather warms up, I've got no reason not to walk out side and move my ass. Yes, I'm still busy, but I need to prioritize myself over work anyway. I've actually been spending this year trying to focus on a work/life balance that has been seriously lacking. I'm doing better and as part of that focus, I'm adding my health to the picture!

But I'm adding another twist: This journey isn't going to be about the scale. Nope. It's going to be about MyGoalSize. I want back into the size 6 I was wearing when I graduated law school. I'm squeezing into 8s now, and if I'm being honest, should probably be wearing 10s, but can't bring myself to admit it.

It all starts Wednesday. I'm going to move my scale into the shed and ignore it. I'll blog about that soon. I'll track my progress by measuring myself every 2 weeks. Also, instead of counting the calories I consume, I'm going to start announcing the calories I burn. I'm going to blog about my activities. Finally, I'm going to focus on strength-building, both mental and physical. Also, I'm going to focus on drinking water. I know it's sounds simple, but I've blogged before about my issues with water and it seems it will be a life-long struggle.

I've tried to come up with a better acronym, but so far all I have is SWAM: Strength, Water, Activities, Measuring. Lame, but it's all I have so far. Totally open to suggestions!

So, here we go again ... See you Wednesday!!!