I turn to food

Phone calls at three a.m. are never good. The call I received Saturday morning was no different: someone had broken into my house. It wasn't until 7:30 that morning that we realized the full extent of everything. They took my tv, heirloom jewelry, my digital camera ... and Kevin's car.

Needless to say, it was a bad weekend.

Kevin and I were in Texas for an annual family party and to meet my grandfather's fiancee. When this happened, we cut the trip short and left after meeting my soon-to-be-step-gma. We drove back home on about three hours of sleep, stressed and freaked. I made a couple of Facebook updates about the situation and was stopped short by a comment my cousin's wife made.

"I'm so sorry. I hope all the positive changes you have made in your life help you to deal with this stressful time."

That got me thinking about my natural reaction to stressful things. 

When Kevin and I finished breakfast with the family, we drove about half an hour and stopped to use WiFi and take care of a few things online.  It was noon by this time and we'd been up since 9 hours with only three hours of sleep. All I could think was: I need a milkshake.

Honestly, I think that instinct comes from baby-hood when our parents hand us a bottle to stop our crying. I just wanted to curl into a ball and alternate sucking my thumb with sucking a chocolate shake. All while rubbing my ear lobe. 


When in times of stress, clearly I turn to food. 


Just add that to the list of things I need to handle ... including two different insurance adjusters, finals, final papers, summer financial aid, starting paperwork for summer jobs, my grandfather's upcoming wedding and my own sense of self-worth that is teetering thanks to all of the above.

Accountability is key

Updating my weight on the blog this morning was one of the hardest things I've had to do lately!

I weighed in at 149.6 pounds and that is ... BAD.

Since a big part of 50n50 is accountability, I posted the number on the blog - though I was very tempted to "forget." The first step in the 50n50 process was admitting my weight. Having it out there, for the world to see has been a big motivator. I can't stop being honest now - no matter how ashamed of myself I am.

It's only going to be up there a week. And maybe I needed a shocking number like that to reiterate how important it is to make good, educated decisions all day, every day.

I won't allow anymore self-loathing to enter this game, either. It would be easy to say "Forget it! I give up" and go to McDonalds for a McGriddle, but I'm worth more than that! I may not measure my destination by where I started, but I sure can measure my worth by how far I've come! And baby, I've come too far to turn back now.

So, today I weigh 149.6. But that won't be the case next week. You'll see. 

Grr is me

Things aren't going very well for me right now. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and for the first time since starting this journey I feel like I'm on a diet.

I don't know what to do to shake myself out of this funk, but something has to happen. I find myself wavering a lot. I start off doing really well and then I make a bad decision and another and another and before I know it a big snowball of crappy food is sitting inside my stomach. Actually, it's not all crappy. I have honestly learned new habits. What I'm fighting now is the occasional piece of junk and too much healthy stuff (like 240 calories of almonds today, on top of a doughnut - you see what I mean?).

I've been getting back in the habit of counting my calories and have done pretty well with that - but I've just been counting as I exceed my allowance so all it does is makes sure I know just how badly I screwed up that day.

I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS!!! I have to shake off this funk! Tomorrow's weigh day has me freaked out and I hate being in this position. I hate it.

Don't excuse me!

Why on earth did you let me get away with my last post? Next time I babble about such junk, call me out on it!!!

All that I wrote in that entire post was a bunch of crap. Excuses are not the answer! Excuses doesn't burn calories.

All-night work sessions are an acceptable reason to forget the ideals of a healthy lifestyle? In the words of my fave Cher: As if! Re-reading that post embarrasses me. In fact, I am tempted to delete it.

If you are going to choose to be unhealthy, fine be unhealthy. But call it like it is. Own up to it. Take responsibility for your actions! Don't try to mask it with lame justifications and "creative" explanations! It will become a slippery slope if you let yourself get away with excuses. Suddenly, you'll find yourself explaining "reasons" for all kinds of splurges and slip ups: "I made it to all my classes today. Clearly that is a special occurrence warrants cake and ice cream!" Uh huh. "I paid all my bills today. I get a cookie now!" Uh huh.

My birthday is Thursday and I plan to enjoy it. But that doesn't mean I should act like eating a junk-ton of cake is acceptable behavior. Because it isn't. It is behavior that will make me gain weight. It is behavior that won't go unpunished - either by the very foods themselves, or by my own design through working out or cutting calories elsewhere. No good eat goes unpunished.

I don't mean go all Rev. Dimsdale on yourself and hide in a closet beating the sin from your body. But you have to call it like it is - Bad Behavior - and act accordingly - Work it off!

When you give yourself a pass on making healthy choices, it almost always comes with a pass on making up for those unhealthy choices. Instead, say, "Self, if we are going to have cake today, we need to go for an extra run first!" Then it's ok to say "I ran three miles today, I can splurge a little this afternoon."

Making good choices is a piece of cake. So long as we don't wash it down with a big cold glass of Vitamin D Whole Excuses, then we'll be fine. We can have our cake and eat it too. 

The Daily Special

Oklahoma Joe's ribs and sides

An epiphany has been slow in forming for me this weekend. But piece by piece, it has fallen into place.

First, it started with a Weight Watcher's-inspired Facebook status posted by my new friend Adina: "Don't give up what you want most for what you want in the moment."

Clearly, it's about cravings and instant gratification. Which is worth more? Satisfying a momentary urge or reaching that goal weight you've always dreamed of reaching? This is a battle I know well. And most times I've chosen correctly. But not lately.

In fact, I read this status while en route to Pittsburg, KS planning an exciting lunch of fried chicken and fried chicken. (A famous fried chicken rivalry exists down there between two restaurants a block from each other. After two years of living up here I thought I was finally getting my chance to weigh in - but neither chicken store opened until 4 and that was way too late. Looks like my chicken feed will have to wait.)

My dad and his girlfriend came to visit this weekend. In the two years I've lived up here, this was the first time they have come to see me. I wanted to show them a fun time and that meant lots of eateries. I tried my hardest to be good - but I didn't want to look like a prude and I wanted to enjoy myself too.

The first night they were here found us at Oklahoma Joe's - a big contender in "best KC barbecue" that happens to be two blocks from my house. At Oklahoma Joe's I ate one rib and small servings of the sides we ordered. I balanced it with a salad to fill me up. Breakfast the next morning was at my fave local breakfast chain (First Watch) saw me chomping on oatmeal with cranberries and half an English muffin slathered in mashed banana. So far, so good.

Since breakfast was practically at lunch time, we didn't eat a meal again until dinner at Jazz, a local Cajun restaurant. I shared boiled shrimp with my dad's girlfriend and a cup of gumbo. Oh, and bread pudding loaded with chocolate. Uh oh.

The next day was the great Chicken Food War so we grabbed a quick light breakfast at MacDonalds. I had their oatmeal and can happily report it is tasty!!! (Thanks for the 290-calorie, fiber-filled breakfast option Micky D's!) I was thrown for a loop when the chicken fight didn't happen, but Kevin took us to his favorite deli and I had a Turkey Dip (like a French Dip, but with turkey!), a few potato chips dipped in creamy Italian dressing (something Kevin said you have to do at this place), and a pickle. Then dinner saw us back in KC and at Hereford House, THE steakhouse in town. I ordered a salad and bowl of steak soup.

After so much rich food, I made breakfast for everyone at my house today and went a little overboard with blueberry oatmeal muffins and an awesome breakfast pizza. I went light for lunch and dinner - salad and soup, respectively - but still don't have high hopes for the scale this week. I blame the steak soup, even if I only ate half of it! The salad packed a few surprises too ... as most do at restaurants like that. Oh and there was that java mocha chiller I split with Kevin after an ill-fated Sonic stop before we left Pittsburg (My life was so much easier before I knew those things existed!).

ARGH. Enter my epiphany.

There are times when you should to let yourself indulge in the moment in order to add to the special moments that make up a lifetime. For me, the chicken fight in Pittsburg, KS - a town where Kevin went to college and worked his first professional jobs - is one of those moments. He has a favorite chicken place and I want one too.

That being said, eating ribs at the barbecue place down from my house is NOT one of life's special moments, not any more. I can have Oklahome Joe's barbecue any time I want. I choose not to get it often because it's not high on my list of priorities.

When tourists come to visit, I always take them for KC barbecue (to help fulfill one of their moments). Being there with visitors, however, doesn't mean I automatically get a free pass to eat horribly. There is no gun to my back and no one saying it's the only chance I'll have to eat Joe's ribs. There is a salad with grilled chicken breast on the menu. I've never tried it. Maybe it's going to be the world's great chicken breast and salad. It's high time I find out, don't you think?

Splurging for special occasions is one thing - but it's important to know when you are just finding excuses to splurge and the "special" is nowhere in existence. Daily specials are the enemy.

It's tasty, but so is KFC. Doesn't mean it's ok to order that double down thing and call it a "special occasion" because it's the first 40-degree day we've had in weeks.

When it comes to food and letting yourself indulge, it's important to stop and look at the moment. Going to Oklahoma Joe's (and Hereford House for steak soup too) is not something all that "special" to me anymore. If it truly is a unique experience, then by all means, eat two drumsticks and pick your favorite! But if it's something you can have tomorrow too, maybe it's best to put it off. I guarantee it will be more special next time.

Stupor Bowl XL

Nothing in this photo is innocent! Well, maybe the empty bowl ...

I had grand plans for last night's Super Bowl celebration. They involved a low key evening spent at home eating wings and a healthy baked version of cheese curds (we rooted for the Packers). I scrounged up enough money (literally in change) to buy some beer and that was where I'd planned on splurging in calories.

I tracked my calories until 3:30 and I was at 1241. Then, they opened a bunch of free chocolate at work. Uh oh.

And then Kevin went to the store for dog food and bought the fixins for chips and queso.

And then I lost my mind. And drank 2 beers.

Forget the beer, I was in a drunken stupor of epic proportions - totally wasted on Velveeta and Rotel.

Then, I craved something sweet and almost opened a small box of coca puffs, but reason prevailed and I went for the orange instead. Honestly, what is wrong with me?

I KNOW BETTER! More than a year of healthy eating and the past two weeks have seen me throwing it all away. Ugh.

I'm not one for drastic dieting, but after all the junk I ate last night, today I'm going au natural. It's Meatless Monday so it won't be difficult. Nothing will be processed today.

Breakfast was a broiled grapefruit half sprinkled with cinnamon and an apple.

Lunch will be mashed avocado and chopped peanuts on a bed of lettuce with a side of carrots and an orange.

Dinner is pinto beans (that I made myself, not from a can) and homemade corn bread. There might be a little processing in the ingredients for the corn bread, but that's small potatoes after the debacle of last night. And dessert will be baked apples. How's that for getting your 8 servings of fruits and veggies a day?

Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm off to drink a glass of milk to help my body get rid of the remnants of Stupor Bowl XL.

Why the weight gain???

I'm not happy. Angry might even be the best word to describe how I feel towards myself right now.

I weighed in at 146.6 today - a gain of 4 pounds in one week!

What the hell?

I don't know what's happened. Last week I was feeling good and was on track with my new weight loss goal. But then Kevin made cookies and I ate a few - but they weren't full of fat because I taught him to use applesauce instead of butter. And then there was cake at work - and a couple of awful days working short-staffed. And then my girl time came Sunday. And with the snow days there was some snow ice cream and a lot of alcohol. And, as I am VERY familiar with my body functions by now, there was a lot going in and the usual didn't come out.

Is my willpower gone? I mean, wow. Looking at that list of foods now has me super depressed instead of angry. Add in that I am behind in my training for the half-marathon and I'm feeling pretty worthless in this moment (as I blog from bed, wrapped in flannel sheets and dogs, sipping coffee and homemade biscotti for breakfast). Yeah. This isn't good.

To gain 4 pounds, I had to consume 14,000 more than I burned each day. My resting metabolic rate (what I burn by just existing) is 1364 ... add in even just sedentary activity and you get about 1750 calories burned a day. That's 12,250 calories burned in a week. That means I consumed 26,250 calories last week? There is no way! Seriously.

Looking at this rationally, I am calming down a bit (the healing power of blogging!). Looking back over everything I ate, there is truly no way that happened. That would be like eating 100 pieces of cake. I only ate 3 (over two days!). Or 175 sugar cookies. I only ate 8 (also over 2 days!). Or 44 bottles of Riesling. I only drank 1.

No, this must be a combination (a nasty one!) of several variables including wine & dehydration, menstruation & water-retention. Add in the strength exercises I've been doing and you get muscle growth (it weighs more ... though it should also help my metabolism work better). Then take into account my body irregularity and tt was clearly a really crappy week for me. Or not. Heh. Sorry.

Ok, I feel better now.

This time

Twizzler frown

I know I have promised everyone a "This is how I did it" recap post, but to be honest, I'm just not feeling that successful this week.

Basically, the day I made my Big Announcement was the day before a 20-page paper was due. And I lost my mind. Seriously. I ate about 2800 calories that day - 1000 in Twizzlers, 400 in cereal ... I think there was some candy corn ad popcorn in there plus the usual meals. All of the junk was consumed after 8 p.m., by the way. Hardly part of the healthy lifestyle I've been advocating and credit as the reason I've lost the weight.

The next day, Thursday, I focused on eating only natural foods and a little detox and consumed 950 calories (and went to bed stuffed!).

Um, then, I went to a friend's house Friday for studying and much-needed girl time. Dare I mention the oatmeal chocolate cookies and bottle of wine we consumed? At least lunch and dinner both consisted of steamed vegetables and a smidgen of steamed meat (shrimp at lunch, pork at dinner - healthy choices from Chinese restaurants and fodder for a future blog).

I've managed to rein myself in since Friday, but am still pretty angry with my behavior. After all of this, I should know better!

So, as I sit here entering today's foods in my Sparkpeople.com calorie counter, I'm going to remind myself - once again - of the importance of planning your foods ahead. Remember these entries? Study Time Means Strategy Time and Just in Time? Why wasn't I prepared for this? I knew the paper was due last week and I knew it would mean late nights that would invite the munchies. Late nights have always invited my munchies! And why did I give in - literally getting in my car and going to the store JUST FOR TWIZZLERS - and let myself revert back to such an old, horrible habit? It would have been better to get an ice cream cone! At least ice cream has calcium and protein.

Sigh.

I am usually such a good planner! My life is nothing but a bunch of little plans. I plan meals for each week, I plan calories and nutrient allocations for each day (it sounds hardcore, but truly only takes a few minutes each day), I plan study time, boyfriend time, and dog time. I plan my finances. I plan dream vacations and dream weddings. Trust me, planning isn't the problem!

I let down my guard. I told myself it would be ok "this time" because I could make up for it later. I bartered with myself and got the losing end of the deal. And that's why I was 50 pounds overweight! Because "this time" is never a one time thing.

A Science Diet

It doesn't matter why it happens - seeing the number on the scale go UP sucks.

I walked 34 miles last week - so I entered this week feeling good. I walked 6 miles Thursday at 4 mph, then walked 12 miles Saturday and 10 miles Sunday. I took Monday off (and I'll admit it - drank WAY too much beer) but was back to walking yesterday and added 5.33 miles to my tally.

So why did I gain three pounds this week?!?

I have a few theories:
1. Got a visitor yesterday. Sometimes I just hate guests!
2. I'm having some digestion issues - and haven't been able to get rid of them in a couple of days. But I'm hoping the oatmeal I'm eating right now does the trick!
3. Too many euphemisms can actually add to your overall weight.
4. I can feel the water retention (see number 1). Seriously, I know my potty habits and they are a bit off. I drank 40 ounces on my walk last night and have barely peed since. It was in the upper 70s so I didn't sweat it out!

And finally, it might be because of a little experiment I've been conducting all week ...

5. I took a break from counting calories.

Did your eyebrows shoot into your hairline? Is the look on your face best described as "shock and awe?" Well, before you think I've lost my mind, let me explain the experiment.

I've decided I might be leaning on SparkPeople.com too much for my weight loss. This is about making educated decisions when it comes to food. Not eating something at dinner because of what I ate at lunch, you know? But does that mean I will always have to calculate the calories I consumed after every meal? I hope not. Since starting 50n50, I have gained a lot of knowledge about the foods I eat. I can usually look at a meal and tell you how many calories are in it. So, applying my new-found skills, I decided to go the week without counting my calories. I focused on making good choices and just eating healthy. I did, however, write everything down so that I could go back and analyze my decisions.

Remember this from elementary school?


MY SCIENCE DIET

Purpose: Do I still need to count calories to continue losing weight?

Research: I have been counting my calories for 9 months now. I have a food routine, bad foods don't live in my house, and I know to look up new foods (like last night's dipped cone from Dairy Queen - a child's size has 190 calories!) before eating them.

Hypothesis: Surely, I am ready to make the proper food choices without tracking every calorie, every day.

Experiment: Stop tracking calories. Only look up new foods in order to make an educated decision. Write everything down and analyze the data on July 7 (today).

Analysis:
Wed: 1522; 222 over goal
Thurs: 893; 407 under goal
Fri: 1357; 57 over goal
Sat: 1396; 96 over goal
Sun: 2340; 840 over goal (Holiday - 1500 calorie day)
Mon: 1104; 196 under goal
Tues: 1532; 232 over goal
Weekly total: 10144; 644 over goal


Conclusion: My hypothesis was NOT correct. I am not ready to do this without counting calories. Because I allow myself 1300 calories a day during the week and occasionally give myself 1500 on weekend days, I should not have eaten more than 9500 calories last week (the week before I ate 9301). And I ate 10144. The amount of exercise is irrelevant since it is a constant variable that applies with the controlled calories (I've walked more than 100 miles in the past month!).

Admittedly, this does not account for 3 pounds of weight gain (to lose a pound you must burn 3500 extra calories, so to gain you must consume that much). There are other variables to consider, as mentioned above: water retention, digestion, monthly munchies, July 4th holiday. But these are all normal in our lives and something I need to learn to work around.

I can almost guarantee that I made better choices this week than I would have a year ago. And, looking over the data the extra 600 calories can be easily explained: 3 Schlitz beers, two glasses of wine and half a Magic Hat.

So, there you have it. Weigh Day showed me at 159 - a gain of 3 pounds. Perhaps one day (hopefully soon!) I won't have to count my calories, but something tells me it's important to fall back on it during holidays, menstruation, and alcoholic binging.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to log my breakfast calories. :-P

Forgot my lunch!

This day isn't even half way over and it's been crazy!

I woke up at 6:30 (thirty minutes behind schedule!) left the house about 15 minutes later than I wanted and stepped on the treadmill 10 minutes later than planned. I upped my speed to get in my four miles and had 20 minutes to shower, get dressed and make it to class on time. Rush, rush, rush!

And in all the rushing, I forgot my lunch.

There was a time when forgetting my lunch would have really thrown me off my diet, but at this point I'm pretty well-versed in real-world tactics for healthy eating.

In order to energize my body after my workout, I bought a Fiber One bar. Protein bars are way too caloric for me, but a Fiber One bar is a good filling option when you're in a bind, though I wish they had more protein. The apple and string cheese sitting in my lunch bag, however, is much better.

For lunch, I bought a Lean Cuisine. I'm not usually a fan of Lean Cuisines - mainly because the amount of calories in them is high for the volume of food you get - but it was the best option available.

On my way to work, I've decided to stop by McDonald's for my snack. I love that you can buy sliced apples at fast food restaurants nowadays. Sure, it's expensive when you think about it, but when you're in a bind like I am today, it's a great option!

No place like home

There's no place like home. Such a fitting statement since I live in Kansas!

Second Spring Break is over and I am waiting for my first class of the day to start for summer school. I got up at 6 this morning and had my usual egg whites and oatmeal. It's nice to be back in my routine!

The food choices I made last week were less than spectacular and I am paying for it. My face looks worse than many 12-year-olds' and I feel huge, bloated, and icky.

But a semester comes with changes to the routine and I'm looking forward to those this summer semester will bring. My classes are from 9:40 to 12:45 each day. That means I am back to having gym time! By getting to school between 7:30 and 8 each day I will be able to get a workout in before each day's classes. Then, I can study through the afternoon and maybe even spend some guilty-free evenings with the boyfriend.

I have a job interview this afternoon and another tomorrow afternoon. If one of them works out, however, my afternoons and evenings will quickly fill up, but the mornings will still be perfect for my 3-Day training and my gym visits.

Compliments of Texas

Through a quick text exchange, Renee and I have decided that Kansas City is better for my health than my beloved Texas. How did we reach this conclusion?

Well, in Kansas City I don't eat BLTs, strawberry milkshakes, fried chicken sandwiches and fried eggs. ALL. IN. ONE. WEEK.

In my defense, when I ordered the chicken sandwich I truly thought it would be grilled. Silly Natalie. I'm not expecting any weight loss this week - compliments of the Texas lifestyle.

It's been a great visit, however. I now have three "new" suits and a "new" (reused!) iPhone. I'm going shoe shopping in the morning and to a wedding reception in my "new" (thrift store find!) Sarah Jessica Parker dress.

Also, seeing family has been great. I have been able to visit with my dad, his girlfriend, my brother, his wife, my nieces, my aunt and am fixin to see my best high school friend and my cousin and his new little girl.

Texas, while bad for my eating, is good for my self esteem. For each of these folks, my weight loss is new and they are full of compliments. In Kansas City, my friends see me on a regular basis and with a gradual weight loss like mine, it's not something easily noticeable. I'll admit, I've really been looking forward to seeing the people who haven't seen me in 20 pounds.

But you know what? I wasn't prepared for the questions from those who don't know about 50n50.

The hardest: "You've lost weight. What diet are you on?"

Honestly, how do you answer that without sounding snooty?

"No specific diet, I just eat right" sounds judgmental and hoity toity to me. I can't go around putting on airs. So I just say thank you and that I count everything that goes in my mouth. I need a better answer, though, because that makes it sound like something that is a pain and might discourage others from trying my method.

Still, the compliments of Texas have been wonderful. Even my 11-year-old niece, just this morning said, "You've gotten skinny!" And that fried chicken sandwich was damn good, too.

I just wanted some flavor!

I spent most of last week trying to cook tasty, healthy meals and had a a lot of fun doing it. But I was really looking forward to Date Night on Friday so that I could take a rest from the forced creativity and try new foods that could inspire me for more dishes. I told Kevin I wanted something "ethnic" mainly because I was craving "exotic" flavors that I don't normally use to cook.

Apparently, he wasn't feeling the same cravings. After a drawn-out hunt for a restaurant, we finally ended up at some bar and grill. Bratty Natty reared her ugly head and, though I should be more grateful since Kevin was paying, I was pissed that he won the "what should we eat for dinner." In my defense, I cooked him dinner all week - at my expense. I don't think it's asking too much to take my desires into consideration.

Anyway, I was too tired to fight and starving so I gave in and we ate at "Harpo's," a cool patio bar and grill that would have been fine with me last summer, but just upset me this time. I looked at the menu and pretty much started crying.

It was your usual bar and grill food: nachos, burgers, chicken tenders and dinner salads. There was nothing exotic and nothing healthy. Maybe I'm just bored with the usual food at places like that, or maybe my taste buds are maturing, but nothing on the menu looked appetizing. Nothing. I had saved almost 1000 calories for that meal and I was going to waste it on a patty melt? No, thank you.

I've decided (and I know this is hardly a food revelation) that restaurants have us "addicted" to grease. They take food - normal, yummy food - fry it, and tell us it's tasty. For some reason we believe them. But, after several months of no fried foods, I am over it. Potato cut up and dripping with grease? It's just gross to me now. I tried one of Kevin's fries. It tasted familiar, but was so close to the roasted potatoes I'd made a couple of nights before that it just wasn't worth it. Plus, it was boring. There was nothing creative about it. No hint of rosemary or taste of basil to be had.

I ordered a chicken taco salad, no sour cream and skipped the (FRIED) taco shell that it came in. I asked for extra salsa and it came with jalapenos. At least it had some flavor. But it's a food I serve myself at least once a week at home. Sigh.

Part of me feels bad. I never wanted to change my eating so much that it affected Kevin and made it difficult for me to enjoy a night out. But after cooking things with real flavor I just can't justify asking Kevin to spend his money on such gross foods.

Whose idea was it, anyway, to take wonderful foods, slap them together, fry them and call it dinner? With a side of fries?

No no no

You know, I don't quite know how to take my last post.

Snack attack happen, I understand that, and I definitely don't advocate denying yourself food when you really want it. But my munchie binge last night was just weird and, I've decided, unacceptable. When I gave myself permission to snack, as long as the choices were healthy, it seemed to give my hand a freedom it's been wanting for a long time. My hands dug into every snack item in my house!

Bad, Hand!

Rather than compensate for what is clearly a bad study habit, shouldn't I work to break it? Shouldn't I work on curbing my snack cravings at 10 p.m.? Yes!

So I am going to try a compromise: Snacking is allowed, in moderation, during study times. But only before 9 p.m. (I usually go to bed after midnight so that's no eating 3 hours before bed). If I just can't fight the urge, I will chew gum and gulp water.

Keep on me, girls! This habit is worse than smoking and I need to break it!!!

Even my dog didn't want to go for a run!

I went for my first 6am run this morning. Even my dog looked pissed that we were running that early. She just wanted her post wake-up nap. I normally run right after I get home from work around 6pm, which means I don't eat until 7:30-8pm, sit down for homework at 8:30 and off to bed at 10. Cleaning the house, socializing, playing with the dog, gardening...nope, no time!

There just isn't enough hours in the day, so I have to change things up a bit. If I'm going to make working out a part of my life, I need to make sure it doesn't take up my life. I need time for the 3 H's...Homework, Housework and (soon-to-be) Husband. If I don't make time for the 3 H's, they get neglected and then I stop working out to catch up, then I just stop working out in general because once you stop it is hard to start again...it's a vicious cycle.

Starting now I am getting up 40 minutes earlier to add a 2-3 mile run at least 4 times a week. Then I can mix it up with long walks, bike rides or yoga on the weekends. Sounds like a good plan, right? I will have to figure something else out once it gets cold again, but I don't want to even think about that now. I'm too busy basking in the beautiful warm and sunny weather and enjoying an early morning jog, even if my dog isn't.

Just in time!

And here is where I apply the lessons that I am learning!

I found myself falling into my usual stressed-out habit: eating candy while on deadline!

But I caught myself just in time!

Today I ate a small box of nerds and a small packet of conversation hearts ... found in an evil candy bowl at school. Then, when I got home, I opened a box of hot tamales and ate 4 pieces before I stopped myself.

I sat down at the calorie counter and entered in each of the sins: 140 empty calories!

So, I raided the refrigerator and pulled out every snack food I could find and made myself a snack tray of celery, red pepper, apple slices and oranges.



I looked things up and my tray is a total of 200 calories. While only 20 hot tamales is 150 calories! Look at the difference in satisfaction! Not to mention vitamins and such. Phew. Good thing I caught myself in time!



Plus, doesn't this just look tasty????

Mitigating the Damages

I have made several references to a legal term, "mitigating the damages," and how applicable it is in every day life. It is especially applicable in weight loss.

I first fully learned the term in my Contracts class last semester. It rests on the idea that you have it within your control to lessen the amount of damage someone causes you.

For example, a contractor is building your house and, as the first boards of the frame go up, you notice he is using balsa wood. It is up to you to stop the construction then, rather than waiting for the house to be complete. Were you to wait, the house would fall apart and the damages would involve the entire cost of the structure, rather than the cost of a few pieces of balsa. Honestly, you would only be awarded the damages completed before you saw the balsa wood. When we see something potentially wrong, it is our legal duty to stop it then instead of when it reaches maximum damage - to mitigate those damages, rather than profit from them.

Eating healthy involves mitigating a lot of damages for me.

Know you're going out for dinner that night and will be drinking Magic Hat #9 with your meal? Then you better save that 160 calories from lunch - eat an open-faced sandwich and skip the bread.

Did you have real eggs for breakfast? Want to have ice cream for dessert? Better skip the banana from breakfast.

But this morning I received a new twist on my idea from Women's Health (I am pretty sure I need a subscription to this magazine!). They suggest cutting a serving size of something bad in half and supplementing it with a healthy alternative. I love it!


BETTER FOOD: HEALTHY MIX-INS
Improve Food: Better By Half
Good junk food? Not really. But we do have advice on how to make that guilty pleasure a little bit healthier if you have to have it


Here is the link! Enjoy!

Moving pains

Oh. My. Word.

I am so exhausted I can't even tell you ...

I moved this weekend and it was one of the longest moves ever. I have no idea how I accumulated that much stuff living in an attic, but apparently, I did.

I pushed my muscles to their breaking points and am just now feeling the kinks go away.

I ate horribly - ordered pizza, Chinese and cooked up bacon and mac n cheese. But I'm fairly confident I worked it off.

Since I don't have access to a scale, however, I won't know for a bit.

Bless my stress

As I said yesterday, I threw the diet aside for the sake of stress eating (aka a junk food binge).

But, it's isn't as bad as I thought it would be thanks to my body's reaction to (1) stress, (2) lactose, and (3) sugar overloads.

I was sick to my stomach most of the night - even woke up and had to dash to the potty room.

I know it sounds bizarre to be happy about getting sick, but when I stepped on the scale this morning to see just how bads things were I was pleasantly surprised that it stopped at 179.

Throwing the calorie count aside - for one night

Tonight, I am not counting calories - I'm counting words. To 1600.

I have a paper due in the morning and am completely stressed because I haven't written much at all. So, in preparation of a late night, I went to CVS and raided the 50% off Valentine's aisle. I bought gummy hearts, Twizzlers and a heart-shaped cookie. Then, I came home, made pop corn, poured milk into a wine glass and sat down to write.

Dinner will be pizza.

I know this isn't the answer ... turning to food for even a modicum of comfort is not the solution. But it's also just easier this way!

At least I'm ordering thin crust.

Here's hoping I burn the binge off this weekend. But oh well. I gotta get back to my word count!