I'm back! And so is my belly

I know ... it's been awhile since I blogged. And if you can't tell by the lack of posts, you could tell by my waistline. Yikes!

So here's the not-so-skinny from the past three months. Basically, I finished law school and took the Bar exam. Written in one sentence like that it doesn't seem like much, but man was it intense! The last month of law school came with finals and the pressure to do better than ever. I'd like to say I studied my butt off, but that would only be figuratively true. Oh, I studied like crazy, but my butt didn't even almost come off. Then, when I finished my last final, I turned my attention to studying for the Bar Exam. The next two months were spent binging and cramming 3 years of law school and 15 million pounds of peanut M&Ms into my mouth.

And now it's over.

And I gained 13 pounds.

I had to buy new pants - a size up - and have lost all ab sucking-in muscles.  My muffin top is world class and if I stand just so, I look pregnant. I call it my Bar Baby. I've been joking about taking maternity pictures.

But tomorrow is a new day with a new adventure! I start a temp job in the corporate world of cubicles and fluorescent lighting. It's at the world headquarters of a really big corporation and comes with a few perks - like a gym!

For the next three months, I get to wait on my Bar exam results, work an 8-5 job and enjoy free time. There is a little college graduation ceremony in there (though I graduated in Dec. the ceremony isn't until May). You know what that means? I get to put the majority of my energy into getting back on track with my weight. I couldn't be more excited!

Goodbye, Bar Baby!

Crunch Time!!!

It's a boy version of me as an M&M!!!

Finals are here and that means one thing: Crunch Time.

Figurative meaning: My first exam is tomorrow so I am in the final hours of cramming and prepping for whatever essay hypotheticals my professor can create surrounding Sports Law and Regulations. I'm a good sport, so I'm game.  Hardy har har.

Literal Meaning: You've heard me say it before ... I get the munchies when I get stressed. Well, today is my day of vindication. Turns out, it's completely normal and necessary!!! Oh yes, finally(!), a food-related "issue" I don't have to solve.

"See, the urge to eat when situations get hairy is an evolutionary instinct triggered by certain chemicals," according to my daily Eat This, Not That email (delivering info from both Men's Health and Womens" Health). How do they know exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it?

Thanks to the peeps over at Women's Health, I now have a list of things to eat (and drink) to handle various forms of stress. As suspected, fruit is a good one. But surprisingly so are M&Ms!!! Yeah, I bought a bag of the recommended peanut variety with lunch. Haha.

I also have a big bowl full of apples and oranges. Plus, a bunch of bananas. There might be some grapes left too ... those usually go pretty fast thanks to the same oral fixation that takes over whenever someone opens a bag of chips. 


Anyway, as part of the literal crunch time, that's all I have time to write. But check out the link for the lovely tips for boosting serotonin, etc!

I turn to food

Phone calls at three a.m. are never good. The call I received Saturday morning was no different: someone had broken into my house. It wasn't until 7:30 that morning that we realized the full extent of everything. They took my tv, heirloom jewelry, my digital camera ... and Kevin's car.

Needless to say, it was a bad weekend.

Kevin and I were in Texas for an annual family party and to meet my grandfather's fiancee. When this happened, we cut the trip short and left after meeting my soon-to-be-step-gma. We drove back home on about three hours of sleep, stressed and freaked. I made a couple of Facebook updates about the situation and was stopped short by a comment my cousin's wife made.

"I'm so sorry. I hope all the positive changes you have made in your life help you to deal with this stressful time."

That got me thinking about my natural reaction to stressful things. 

When Kevin and I finished breakfast with the family, we drove about half an hour and stopped to use WiFi and take care of a few things online.  It was noon by this time and we'd been up since 9 hours with only three hours of sleep. All I could think was: I need a milkshake.

Honestly, I think that instinct comes from baby-hood when our parents hand us a bottle to stop our crying. I just wanted to curl into a ball and alternate sucking my thumb with sucking a chocolate shake. All while rubbing my ear lobe. 


When in times of stress, clearly I turn to food. 


Just add that to the list of things I need to handle ... including two different insurance adjusters, finals, final papers, summer financial aid, starting paperwork for summer jobs, my grandfather's upcoming wedding and my own sense of self-worth that is teetering thanks to all of the above.

Mulling my munchies

I have a big paper to finish by morning, so I'll be pulling an all-nighter. As such, I anticipate a bout of the munchies (lessons learned from many all-nighters) to strike as soon as I get settled to work. Back in the day, I would buy a 2-pound pack of Twizzlers and Froot Loops to get me through the night. But nowadays I'm trying to stick to healthy choices - even if today is Mardi Gras!

I have a box of celery sticks and some frozen butternut squash ready to be turned into butternut fries, but knowing me, this isn't going to cut it. Is this one of those tests that come along to measure my progress? If I plan for the munchies tonight, am I just giving myself a hall pass? Is that ok to do?

There are times when it's ok to relax and eat junk. Some say Mardi Gras (today!) is one of those days - you know, since it's supposed to be followed by 40 days of sacrifice. Birthdays are considered a day to chill out on diets because special food is a way to celebrate special occasions. Also, meals at a friend's house are given a free pass, too (politeness for a night trumps diets).


Generally speaking, relaxed standards apply in unique situations that have a higher public interest than healthy eating for one night. So, the question is whether the occasional all-nighter fits into this category. Let's think it through: First, all-nighters are unique occurrences; they aren't something I do every week. Instead, they occur more like 2-3 times a semester. Plus, a good grade on this paper is more important than tomorrow's weigh in. If getting a good grade is dependent on snacks, then it's worth having snacks on hand and planning for such in my daily food allowance. Thus, all-nighters are unique situations and lowering my diet standards will serve a greater public interest.

Now that I've decided it's ok to relax my standards a bit, I must qualify this. Relaxing standards doesn't mean throwing them away. We arne't talking a night of pizza and cookies. That would be dumb. Plus, if I plan out choices that are better than Twizzles and sugary cereals, then I'm still showing progress.

So, here's what I'm thinking:

1) Eat a light dinner in order to be full so I don't snack as much. Um, yeah right. If I stopped eating when I was full this wouldn't be an issue. Duh!

2) Skip dinner knowing I will be snacking into the wee hours. Clearly, the logical choice, even if it isn't the most nutritious.

I don't keep many snacky foods in the house for obvious reasons. So, I need to hit the store for provisions. What should I get?

1) My usual fare of Twizzlers and Froot Loops. Um, and that would benefit me how? It's nothing but sugar and junk.This isn't a pass for full departure of the lessons I've learned so I should go with foods that provide some nutritious benefits, right?

2) Fruits and veggies high in fiber and low in fat. This is the ideal solution, obviously. However, the cost is a problem for me. I honestly can't afford a bunch of fruits and veggies right now. I have some will certainly what have on hand - celery, cauliflower and butternut squash, but my their very nature (lacking food crunch and, sadly, sugar, they just won't be enough.

3) "Healthy" cereal. This is tonight's winning choice, I think. If I buy a small box of Mini Wheats then I'm getting fiber, which is filling and flushing, sugar, and some actual nutrients that usually come with dinner. Maybe I can even buy a bag of oranges if they are on sale.

Having this discussion with myself now is also a sign of my personal growth. I used to go by the feelings I had at the time I hit the store. Instead, I am being pro-active and planning my allotment of snack foods and creating a strategy to handle my inevitable stress-induced munchies. It was all about satisfaction in the moment - but that moment was followed by many moments of self-loathing. Thanks to this plan, I'm hoping tomorrow finds me pleased with my decisions, happy with myself, and done with my paper!

______________

Update: 6:15 pm

I am home from getting supplies. I bought a box of dried figs (lots of fiber!), a medium box of plain shredded wheat (even more fiber!), and a 2 liter of diet coke. I think I'm good to go.

I just finished a bowl of the shredded wheat with Splenda and cinnamon - SUPER YUMMY!

And now it's time to brew coffee and get to writing!!!

Reflecting on a year of maintaining weight

Natalie asked me to join her in the 50n50 endeavor just over a year ago. I was eager to get into shape myself and this is a great motivational method. What better way to lose weight than to stay in touch with a supporting friend? Needless to say, a year later, I was fairly disheartened by my results, but after talking with Natalie found hope in what I did achieve.

First, let's look at who I am and what I've done. I'm a 5'7" female and weighed in at 154 lbs. over a year ago, and my last standing weight is 152 lbs. That's a whopping two pounds less than a year ago, depending on the day. The good in this is that I maintained my weight rather than gained weight. Additionally, I maintained my weight despite serious stressful events throughout the year. Stress changes our body's chemistry and can be very inhibiting to losing weight never mind a contributor to weight gain. So, let's look at why I have been stressed, both good and well, no so good.

The day job
Fortunately, I have a stable full-time job as a graphic designer. This section is brief, because it is stable, though not without it's time commitments, namely two photography sessions that take additional weekend time and overtime hours. We have a conference each year at work that requires us to leave hour homes and work nonstop for nearly a week each year with no weekend. I include this section to show that all the other paragraphs are in addition to this time commitment.

President of AIGA Austin
Lets look at what I've done, starting with my leadership role. I'm president of a board of directors for the Austin chapter of AIGA, the professional association for design. This equals 40+ weekly hours of unpaid volunteer time. To start the year, I created and held a statewide design competition. Managing over 500 entries and coordinating with two other chapters is no small feat. I had some help along the way, but was the guiding light for the project.

When that wasn't enough for one person to do, I also held our second Fellow Award, a lifetime achievement award that results in a black-tie affair accompanied by the leading professionals of our time. Then, there are all the other events in addition to these. We hold an average of three events a month, all of which I oversee in some capacity, and some in more than others. We also launched a new website, for which I wrote and organized most of the material and coordinated the site development with a board member.

After agreeing to the September start date with Natalie came the holidays, which for me also brought organizing our first Annual Membership Party in three years and our first ever annual report, for which I wrote all the copy and again oversaw the design. In the early summer, I attended a national leadership conference, and organized and lead our local leadership conference. I worked with our secretary to develop a wiki I started the previous summer and continued to develop. Throughout the year, I managed board members, which sometimes meant new recruiting or transitioning the roles of board members to volunteer or other capacities. One in particular was particularly grievous, with a board member bullying me, resulting in stress that caused me to turn my new car into a cement beam on a tight turn. I also attended the National Design Conference in Memphis last year.

Family ties
I am the primary caretaker and power of attorney for my grandma. When I joined this blog September 24, I was in the midst of assisting my grandma in an emergency stroke that lead to my enrolling her into a nursing home and setting her up with medicaid to afford nursing home care. I hired a lawyer to help get the best financial situation for her and assistance in the complex application process. Grandma was released from the hospital after a week to the first nursing home under medicare. She felt that home was horrible and called me, on the cell phone I provide for her, at all hours of the night screaming. I transferred her to a better home, where she now resides. I kept my family in the loop on all of this and persuaded my uncle, her son, to come out for her birthday. He was really coming to check out what I had done, but I left it to grandma under the pretense of celebrating her birthday. He seemed ok with it.

My family lives in Dallas and I live in Austin, 3.5 hours apart. I drove home for Christmas. My mom is a minister and cannot leave Christmas time and had been going through difficult job needs herself, at one point selling Christian education materials to make ends meet. We called Grandma on Christmas day and wished her a merry Christmas. Before I left for Dallas, I had the nursing staff help me to get her into my car for a tour of the Christmas lights, which she thoroughly enjoyed along with the McDonald's dinner I got her. The day after Christmas, I drove straight in from Dallas to see her. When I arrived, she was on the phone with my uncle telling him that mom, my brother, and I all had Christmas down the street from her and left her all alone. It was a completely ridiculous statement. I stood by when she said this, and did not take the phone away from her and talked to my uncle when she finished. He then screamed at me for how badly I was taking care of his mom and completely believed her ridiculous representation of what she felt happened. Grandma is not mentally well, though her son doesn't quite understand this. Alas, I haven't spoken with him since. Gee, I wonder why?

So, that's Grandma briefly. Mom also had her challenges this past year. I helped mom to sell her house and move her to Temple. For any normal situation, this would not be as monumental as it happened to be. Mom's house was thirty years old and a complete dilapidated dump. It required me to loan her money to paint the house, which she repaid upon sale of the house to get people to even look at the previously orange property. Then, there was the moving. Mom was emotionally tied to our childhood home and never quite understood that when you sell your house and move to a new town, that you also must move everything you intend to take with you. Four truckloads later, we finally moved all that was to be moved, and held an epic garage sale. Now, mind you, this was all in Dallas and I live in Austin, that 3.5 hour distance. So, weekends were shuffled to accommodate this amidst my other commitments, grandma, and more. Mom finally made it to Temple and is settled there, for the next year.

The romantic side of things
Believe it or not, I manage to maintain relationships in all of this. Unfortunately, when I started this last year, I was in a very bad relationship with a man that had dumped me more times than either he or I could count because he felt I was fat. He wanted a lean girl and let me know I was 99% else of what he wanted in a woman, but I just couldn't change having a fat butt and thick thighs. Incidentally, that ended in 2010 for it's grand finale outside of a psychologist's office who informed me that he had no ability to love another person anytime in the foreseeable future. That relationship had been secret for some time because of the many break ups, so none of my friends even knew I was dating him. They were then let in on the long-held secret.

Then, along comes my new and current boyfriend, who I had the good fortune to meet. He comes along after all these other things have been going on and sees an extremely busy woman tied to her calendar and also flat broke. I did spend all my money on photography equipment and did journey to Roatan, Honduras in January with free lodging from a photo competition I won last September, and then to the expensive Tobago trip in July, where I learned much, but did not exactly have a great time vacationing. This had to do with a then boyfriend on the trip, who I dated between boyfriends. So, here I am, managing all these life stresses, and still doing a million and a half other things not noted here to spare you reading time. Incidentally, the current boyfriend is a police officer with a tight schedule himself. That our schedules don't meet is in itself both a stress and the only way either of us could maintain a relationship anyway. He's busy enough to not be around while I'm busy too.

Let's talk scuba
If all the above were not enough for one woman in one year, let's talk scuba. I am now a scuba instructor. I was not at the beginning of the year, which means I finished the two month instructor development course and completed the weekend-long instructor examination in Dallas. I am also a divemaster for Lake Travis Scuba and Scubaland, and I also completed my technical dive training in the last year. I learned decompression diving and bought expensive scuba gear and dedicated hours of time to learn a very complicated and risky form of scuba diving. I was also nominated secretary for our local dive club and expected to create email communications and work dive club events. I mostly did this, but the dive club materials did suffer a little. Let's face it, something has to give! I completed about 80 dives all across Texas and another 32 overseas. I also attended Dive Around Texas. If you do the math, that's over 100 dives in a year despite everything else I have going on. However, this was my only consistent physical activity and is a passion of mine. It is so much a passion of mine, that I started a book this year and will launch my new company with my partner in January, The Underwater Designer. I will design and sell posters, cards, and more to support this five-year long project, using my underwater photography as a tool in this project.

Diet and exercise
I run whenever I am able to do so (not often), scuba dive whenever possible, and try not to eat as terribly as I can. At one point, I gave my scale to the office and bought a new one, because the last scale must have been lying. I think the new scale is nicer to me. I have never been huge on sweets, which is a saving grace to me, but savory chips do me in every time. I drink soda very sparingly, start my day with a mug of black coffee, and obviously have a creative schedule for doing all these things. Cheese is evil and unfortunately one of my top consumed items. Fruit is delicious and vegetables were great as a kid, but I will have to work them back into my regularly scheduled diet. My schedule is turning around, and while pushing myself, I do think I could lose weight if I could only find time to run.

I should note that I did get sick at least twice this year. When I'm sick, my world spins wildly out of control and what ground I gain in my schedule is quickly lost, so I can never afford to fall behind. If you are sick, please stay home and do not come to work sick! It is mean to the rest of us to get sick because people are encouraged to work while sick.

So, what do you think about the year's reflections? I work hard to do better all the time and those close to me will often remark about how I need to do various things better. One very good friend helped with a situation this year and told a troubled board member to walk in my shoes for just a single day before passing judgment on how I need to serve her better. She straightened up. Looking back, I wonder about all my commitments and how I could possibly have done better, more, less, or differently. I did all that I had to and I think I did it well. Instead of reflecting on how I could give up a very dear commitment in my dangerously balanced life, I choose to forge ahead to new hope with more reasonable schedules, fiscal success, dietary choices, and exercise. I do have my continuing commitments, and life will continue to add more to my schedule, but that's life, isn't it?

* Additional events did occur and were not listed here to keep the article as concise as possible. Categories not listed include: church, bills, budget, cleaning house, caring for the dog, random client work, sleep, laundry, washing the car, friends, and more.
* I could not have gone through the year without wonderful friends and want to acknowledge even the smallest help along the way
* I think God made most of this year happen through my hands to give me the strength to live so rigorously

Changing it up worked

Well, yesterday was Weigh Day and I sadly reported no weight loss. I was a bit shocked, to be honest, considering the fact that I walked more than 30 miles last week.

But I my explanation came last night - and I'll leave it at that.

Things are settling down in my world. Rearranging my schedule, based on priorities, has really made a difference!

Now, my schedule is as follows:

6:30 - Wake up, eat breakfast, study
8:30 - Leave for classes
9:40 to 12:45 - In classes
12:50 - Leave for internship, eat lunch in car
2:00 - Arrive at work
5:00 - Leave work
5:30 - Arrive home, change into workout clothes
5:45 - ? Work out
Dinner, study after dinner

I don't feel nearly so rushed with this new schedule - and not nearly so exhausted by 5:30. It's wonderful :-) Plus, with the new semester starting in two weeks, work and school switch places and everything else remains the same.

I'm still busy - weekends are practically non-existent for me now since my training walks take at least 4 hours each and I'm working to raise money for the 3-Day.

Also, I am adding some new stuff to my workout regimen - and seeing many changes in my shape!

Check out my latest sale purchase!

A la Abby, I sit on the balance ball while reading and find myself wiggling a lot to stay settled. I hear this works on your core.

Plus, my attitude is changing. Having walked long distances several times, I feel a confidence growing in my body. Dare I say, I almost feel fit!

One bite at a time

I did it! I got everything done that was on the priority list today (except I just remembered I forgot to buy stamps - oops). Lesson learned: Take things slowly, one at a time, and prioritize them and you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish. I even got that 5-mile training walk done this evening!!!

Kevin joined me for the 5-mile walk after dinner and having done it makes me feel so good. I even got whistled at once. The whistler said to Kevin, "Nice girl." I smiled a big grin and hollered "Thank you!" over my shoulder.

Anyway, we left for the walk about an hour and half after dinner. Dinner, ladies, was whole wheat pasta, alfredo sauce and shrimp. I figure that many carbs for dinner is acceptable if you are working out later. Usually, however, I avoid a carby dinner because the carbs get wasted while you sleep. But many articles suggest a serving of complex carbs with every meal ...

My 5-mile walks take me to a lovely park that reminds me of a small version of Central Park. One of these days - I'll take some photographs of it. It's a popular location for engagement shots. Once we got to the park, Kevin and Chester left me and ran the track - (2 laps = 2.75 miles) while I hoofed it around the park once. Then, we met up and finished the rest of the walk.

Call it a coincidence, fate, karma, dumb luck, or my own conniving, but the 5-mile trek just so happened to take us by the McDonald's less than a quarter-mile from my house. So of course, having just walked 5 miles, we stopped and bought ice cream!

I still had the calories to spare from my day anyway, but that was some good, guilt-free ice cream!!! Plus, they say milk is great for post-workout recovery :-D

More than I can chew?

I missed my workout this morning - mainly because something just had to give. It looks like I may have bitten off more than I can chew.

My Competing Priorities:
School
Internship
3-Day training
50n50
Boyfriend
Animals
Grown-up responsibilities (bills, car maintenance, house maintenance, etc.)
Social Interactions

I'm having a really hard time maintaining my energy every day. I spent months juggling and fitting everything on that list into my life. But it's not going well.

Last night I made the mistake of spending the evening out on the town (Sex and the City 2!!!) - my first real social interaction (besides Kevin) in weeks. I was practically catatonic by the time I got home - and I still had reading to do and things to pack and ready for today.

When the alarm went off this morning, I hit snooze 3 times! I usually only hit it once. I needed to race to the gym to fit 5 miles in, read for my first class, make breakfast and had to make a choice. But instead of hoping up and getting the day started - I laid in bed, struggling to find conscious thought. Eventually, I chose school over my training. I made breakfast, sat at my bar and read for my classes today.

I feel guilty - I was supposed to walk 5 miles this morning - but I know I made the right choice. Class was better and easier to follow because I was prepared and now I feel fine about taking on the work I have for this afternoon. Then, once I get off work, I'm hoping to at least squeeze 3 miles in around the neighborhood (If I can convince Kevin to go with me, it will cover two of my priorities!).

It took a short stroll between classes this morning, but I feel a bit better about things. I was just feeling momentarily overwhelmed. Sometimes, our priorities fight for our attention and, as much as we try, we can't make it all fit. Today is just one of those days.

Study time means strategy time

What is it about studying that gives me the munchies???

So far this evening, after a scrumptious dinner, I have still found the need to eat a bowl of cereal (Fiber One for it's benefits) and a bowl of popcorn. I am 134 calories over my limit ... and finals haven't even started yet!

Time for a plan of attack!

I am penning a grocery list as I type:
peppers
tomatoes
carrots
salsa
fruit
salad mix
tuna (salad with tuna is super flavorful and low-cal)

I think the best way to approach this, if I can't muster the will power to stop myself, will be to change up my routine a bit during finals.

We have two weeks full of hard core studying and the only breaks are for the exams themselves. I only drive to school for the tests and spend the rest of the time at home, studying. So, instead of eating organized meals, I will deconstruct it all and eat my usual through out the day.

Add in a few short exercise breaks to get the blood flowing and I hope I can make it through the next 3 weeks on track! I don't have a lot of hope for this week, but maybe I can fix things for next!

Shock and awe-some!

ARE U KIDDING? ARE YOU SURE?
That would be what I hollered at my super scale this morning when the numbers appeared. Clearly in disbelief, I stepped off, let it clear and stepped on again.

WOW! WHOA! FOR REAL?!?

The weight came up, but there was an E where my body fat% should be, so I stepped off and let it clear for a third measurement, hoping against hope that it would say the same thing a third time ...

Still an E in the bottom corner, but also still 168.8 in the big numbers across the screen! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Considering how disappointing the numbers have been the past few weeks, losing 5 pounds in one week seems shocking. But I'll definitely take it! I recreated my face and took a photo for your enjoyment ;-)

Each of the past few weeks I was honestly somewhat surprised when the scale didn't show any lose. Sure, there wasn't as much exercise, but there wasn't as much eating either. Looking back now, I think the issue was stress.

On the Biggest Loser, they always say stress makes you retain water and such and I'm taking that to heart. I bought a yoga mat last night and did some poses and slept better than I have in weeks. Sadie worked out with me - she also slept pretty soundly.

This has been a wonderful week for me, full of affirmation and motivation. Also, it means that I am more than half way down the path to reaching my goal!!! Technically I should weight 164 today, if I were officially on schedule, but since I was so behind the last few weeks (8.8 pounds behind last week), I am thrilled to be catching up!

I hope everyone has a good week, too.  Just don't let it stress you - because that might be what's holding you back!

Nothing taxing, just relaxing

The weather has been fascinating in Kansas this past week, and with it my body has been going haywire. Kansas is well-known for severe thunderstorms and such, but what may be less well-known is the affect these storms can have on the body.



Honestly, I have no scientific data other than my own observations, but as amazing as thunderstorms are, they do a number on my body. Without fail, when the clouds come rolling across the plains, I am guaranteed to need serious bed rest. I get fatigued and feel aches in every joint, my head becomes my enemy and my stomach is hardly my friend either.

This week has been one of those weeks. I spent the day home sick because I've been fighting a fever since Sunday night. I slept most of the day and woke up outrageously sore - more than when I went to sleep last night - in every joint. I decided I needed to try some stretching.

A few weeks ago, back when I still had a little money, I ordered a yoga dvd off Amazon. I didn't want pilates or cardio yoga - I wanted stress relief and was excited to buy "Yoga for Stress Relief" by Barbara Benagh. Monday mornings are pretty relaxed for me and I thought a relaxing yoga routine would help me ease into my hard weeks. While I haven't managed to fit it into my routine yet, I did put it in the dvd player this afternoon and enjoyed a routine to relieve neck, upper back, and shoulder tension. All I had to do was lay on my back and lift my arms and twist a bit - nothing taxing and very relaxing.

The next month, I can already predict, will be full of stress. Finals start in two weeks and there are numerous money issues hitting me (like the fact that I have no money coming in for summer school, much less living expenses!). Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Clearly I need yoga in my life. When I was in junior high I did a wake up routine every morning and really saw improvements in my attitude, appearance and abilities.

50n50 is about more than weight loss to me. It's about promoting a healthy lifestyle - and that includes stress management. Numerous studies show that law school causes depression in a majority of students. Honestly, going into it depressed means I'm guaranteed to have a hard time just maintaining the right attitude about things. As a lawyer, stress will be an everyday part of life and it's good that I get a handle on things now.

Since starting 50n50, I have re-prioritized many things in my life - meal planning and exercising to name a couple. But now it's time to prioritize stress management - even if it's stressful at first.

I need a plan of action, not reaction. I need to plan groceries before I get so deep into studying that I can't stop and end up eating fast food or pizza. I need to schedule down time - like a park afternoon or a tennis game. And I need to have things ready to start studying so that I am spending my time wisely reviewing, instead of teaching myself things I missed.

But right now, I need a shower before Biggest Loser and I need to rest. Man, my head is heavy!

School stress

Forgive me, Ladies, for I have sinned.

I have a paper due Friday and have been stressed out over it - and eating Twizzlers, Hot Tamales and Diet Coke. Mainly, the staples of all-nighters and energy fixes.

But I walked 4 miles today ... so, you know, maybe it won't be so bad. Right?

Tomorrow's Weigh Day is going to be close ...

Back on Track

So after many months of chaos I am finally getting settled and am ready to get back on track with my weight loss. YAY!! I have no idea what I weigh right now, but I know it is not good….. The stress that comes along with moving to a different country with only two weeks notice and then getting stuck on the other side of the US for a month with no place to call home except for your in-laws spare bedroom in addition to leaving your job (going from full time to part time) is enough to lead most stress eaters to overeat and lethargically forget about exercise. Ahhhh it was crazy!!! I guess you could say there have been a lot of changes in my life recently. But, after being here, in Brisbane, Australia for a month I am starting to feel settled and am definitely ready to jump back on the weight loss wagon!!

I started today by running/walking two miles around the Brisbane river. Man am I out of shape- 4 months ago I could run 3 miles and now I am only probably running one of the two!! It’s okay though- slowly but surely…. I also started weight watchers today. Not officially or anything like that, but I did do it officially last year through work and so I have all the tools I need to calculate and track my points and today is my day one. I know tracking my points and being held accountable for everything that goes into my mouth will help. My scale is currently held up in Australian customs with about 1000 lbs of other stuff being shipped from Maryland to here. The illogical (and possibly lazy) side of me wanted to wait until I got my scale to get back on track, but I can proudly say I didn’t let that happen and even though I don’t know my current weight (which I have a feeling is probably quite a bit higher than the last time I stepped on a scale) I am back on track!!!!

Bless my stress

As I said yesterday, I threw the diet aside for the sake of stress eating (aka a junk food binge).

But, it's isn't as bad as I thought it would be thanks to my body's reaction to (1) stress, (2) lactose, and (3) sugar overloads.

I was sick to my stomach most of the night - even woke up and had to dash to the potty room.

I know it sounds bizarre to be happy about getting sick, but when I stepped on the scale this morning to see just how bads things were I was pleasantly surprised that it stopped at 179.

There's just too much!

Man oh man. There is just so much going on in my world, I can barely keep track!

I have a paper due Friday, am moving this weekend, am learning to fit hour-long workouts into my school days and am trying to maintain my usual school routine. Plus, I have an internship interview tomorrow and more resumes to send out for a summer gig. Then there is the usual meal planning, boyfriend coddling and animal care taking my life requires.

AHHHHHhhhhhhh!

I am close to losing my mind and truly can't wait until this weekend is over so that I can get some order back to my life. I will be able to control my groceries better and organize my life in a much bigger space.

I live my life by To-Do lists and am feeling the weight of a long one right now. Usually, I take care of personal business matters on Friday afternoons, but my internship interview last week threw all of that off. This Friday afternoon will be spent packing and getting things ready for my move.

I am hoping to take some time tonight to clear off ... I am caught up for my reading in one class for tomorrow so that means less reading tonight. Woohoo! I love it when I accidentally read too much.

Also, Miss Abigail and I are meeting tonight to discuss fund raising for the 3-Day. She is a marketing guru. With her marketing skills I hope raising the requisite $2300.00 will be easy!

Ok, back to work!

Snow Day for Weigh Day

I have to skip my weigh day today ... I awoke to a winter wonderland aka COLD morning and jumped out of bed, got dressed and pumped my body with oatmeal and coffee.

Then I remembered it's Weigh Day.

I usually weigh myself second thing in the morning (before dressing, but after going to the bathroom to empty as much as I can). So, with my variables all messed up, I'm opting not to weigh today.

Also, I am in the midst of two weeks of finals ... I don't have any money, so I'm not really eating junk food. My boyfriend bought me a few groceries to get me through the week and was such a sweetie - he bought diet-friendly foods!

Last night, when the snow fell, we leashed up the dogs and took a walk. To buy me ice cream :-) But I only bought a pint and ate the official serving amount. Anyway, my point: I'm not eating a lot of junk, but I'm stressed so my choices aren't completely sound.

Ok, time to brave the roads to take my final ...

My current issues

And we are clearly GO on Step one.

I am lessening my caloric intake. Yep. At least I think so. I don't know how many calories I was consuming before I started counting them, and I'm not really making many different decisions now. But I'm sure it is the little things that will add up.

Also, as part of this, I am trying to increase my water consumption. This is tough!!! I HATE WATER. I don't really know why, of course, how can you hate something with no taste?

But perhaps that is why - it is just so boring and whenever I drink it, I feel water-logged.

Besides my water drinking, the other challenge to watching what I eat is my life itself.

I'm a law student - that means BUSY, BROKE and BURDENED. It's hard enough to get the work I need to do done, much less add in making lunches and dinners, going grocery shopping, affording healthy food, and working out (part two of the plan).

What I need to do is exactly what I did when I was working towards my undergrad degree: I need to make weekly meal plans, corresponding grocery lists and cross reference it with my budget.

And where will I find the time to do that???

Perhaps after I finish today's homework ... sigh.