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| Day After Christmas with Dad ... just part of the food we served |
As I looked around at the foods served at the various holiday gatherings I was blessed to attend, I was scared. Scared for my family, scared for our society and scared for myself.
I realize the word "scared" may seem a bit melodramatic, but it's the only word that aptly applies.
I am scared out of my mind of gaining my weight back. I have nightmares about it - and I wake up in a cold sweat and am scared to look in a mirror in case it turns out that losing weight was only a dream.
And so, the holidays freak me out.
When I look at what my friends said they were eating over the holidays - and the menus planned by my families, I feared for them too. Most of the people in my family are over weight. Some try to fight it - feebly - and others have completely given up. Instead of looking to the new year with an attitude on healthy living, they are embraced by the ghosts of Christmas past and their recipes. You know the ones - full of butter, oil, sugar, and heavy cream - passed down through the generations. Recipes that are acceptable if you spend hours a day working the fields and farm animals, but don't fare so well for those who sit in front of a computer each day and night.
Check it:
Christmas Eve: Tortilla soup, bean and cheese tostadas, chicken enchiladas, pecan pie
Christmas Day: Venison breakfast sausage and eggs with cheese, mashed potatoes, gravy, chicken-fried venison, peanut brittle nut mix (aka crack in a can!), biscuits and English pea salad (it may sound healthy, but the cheese and mayo take care of that quite quickly), and snacky sweets. At least I took along Hungry Girl's Peppermint Pie (which is AMAZING!), Then later that night, during the Cowboys game it was chips and queso, chocolate-covered cherries and various other sweets.
Day After Christmas: Oreos (3, as my breakfast), Dr. Pepper, brisket, ham, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, macaroni and cheese, fruit salad, sausage balls, and mini candy bars.
And yes, I ate it.
I was in a strange position. First, people expect me to be snobby about food (and while I am, I don't want to show that as a guest in their home!) and refuse to eat the "bad" stuff. My usual solution involves taking my own dishes that are healthy and satisfy me. I did the best I could this weekend: I took low calorie desserts and made a low-fat version of my grandmother's mac and cheese to go alongside the "original recipe" version. Second: There just wasn't the option to eat only healthy foods - because there weren't any! The only choice I had was to eat small portions and avoid the worst of the dishes.
I didn't go back for seconds either - a change from my past years. Instead, I packed up as many leftovers as I could and brought them home with me to be enjoyed throughout the next week, in reasonable proportions, served with healthy sides, etc.
Why we can't change a few of our traditions? Is it really necessary to serve ham AND brisket? Sweet potatoes AND mashed potatoes? Does the venison steak need to be fried? If so, then can we choose between potatoes OR biscuits? Of course we can! It's easy to say "Don't eat it all" but that's hard in practice when you know the trouble the cooks went to when cooking. But how about those heirloom recipes? Do they have to be followed as if Jesus himself handed them down? Hello - fat free milk! I made two versions of my grandmother's mac and cheese and the butter-free version was complimented as much as the original recipe!
You see, I don't expect everyone to abstain from the indulgences of the holidays - that's why I did my little Christmas Kitchen Advent Adventure. The idea was to indulge a little throughout, rather than a lot in a few days. Of course, I just can't seem to let myself indulge any more - most of the advent was low in calories and fat - and I'm not complaining! I was VERY happy going into Christmas weekend.But I just can't get behind letting myself forget all the healthy habits I've worked so hard to learn over the past year.
I thought about letting down my guard, and a couple of times did, but I didn't like it. I felt out of control and like a cheater. Can a drug addict allow themselves to let down their guard because "it's the holidays" and that means it's ok to snort a little cocaine? How about an alcoholic and the New Year's bubbly? No! Then it makes sense that a food addict can't either! I don't feel bad about my discipline either. Especially since I have very little guilt from the weekend except that pound I gained. Gr. I've worked so hard to lose this weight, that I'm not cool with the idea of it coming back, even a single pound. It's a heck of a lot easier to gain a pound than it is to lose it!
