Back and ready for action

Rehab in the Shawnee National Forest
included a backpacking and hiking trip.

Rehab is for quitters. You've heard the joke before, right? Well, for this quitter, rehab was just what I needed.

The week was wonderful. I checked lots of stuff off my To Do list that have been on there for months. I rested, I ate, I was active and I had a generally happy time (except when I got food poisoning - booo).  I also addressed a few truths and am ready to be back with a few changes.

First of all, I am only going to weigh myself each week. I know, that's what I've been doing, right? Wrong. I was doing it every day. I would wake up, pee, weigh myself, then drink water and get started with my day. Everything I thought once I was out of bed was about the scale .. and what I'd eaten the day before and how the scale would interpret my efforts. And that's not healthy. I have become obsessed with the scale. There are many theories about using the scale as a guide for progress, and I completely subscribe to those theories. You don't have to define yourself by the scale, but use it as a measure. Weighing once a week, at the most, is recommended, I've read numerous articles about it because there was a time in my life when I refused to weigh myself (and I ended up getting to my largest size). So, because I am still hoping to drop pounds, I won't stop weighing myself. The scale, however, is officially moved from my kitchen, into the linen closet - and there it will remain, unless it's Wednesday morning.

Second, I don't like running. And that's okay. This is a really hard truth for me to face because I always thought I wanted to be a runner. I mean, the women that grace the cover of Runner's World all look so euphoric in their Nikes and tight shorts, in tune with the road and happy to pound the pavement. But ff I liked running, then I would do it more. It's that simple. What isn't simple is my next move. I have to find an activity that enjoy that is healthy, low-cost, and easy to do several times a week. That will be my focus over the next few weeks. I have several activities in mind and I will definitely keep y'all posted as I figure out which is best for me.

Finally, I have to trust myself. For the most part, I eat healthy. But I've been splurging a lot lately and then beating myself up for it. And that has to stop. I wouldn't define my recent habits as binging, but they are clearly signs that 1300 calories a day is beginning to wear me out.  I've been doing it for 18 months! But instead of assigning myself a new calorie allowance, I am going to continue NOT counting calories.  I wish I could find a nutrient tracker that doesn't count calories, because I want to keep focusing on my fiber, iron, protein, and calcium. But it's time to trust myself for awhile. It's time to relax the rules and have faith in my knowledge of healthy eating.


I promised I would come back with a renewed energy and as proof, I have a fitness appointment tonight at my local gym. I bought a 3-month membership for $20 thanks to Morgan's Deals. I also have a few things planned for the next few months. Spring softball is coming up so I'm looking for a Thursday night league, Abigail and I will be bootcamping it in June (Living Social deal!) and I'm on my search for MY activity. Got any suggestions for me? I'm open to ideas!

Weightloss Rehab

I have a tendency to run myself into the ground. I go and go and go ignoring all warning signs of exhaustion. I just keep fighting a losing battle with myself until one day I just can't move anymore.

Well, not this time.

As the past couple of blogs have shown, I nearing exhaustion with my constant worry about my weight. I've been thinking about it everyday for the past 18 months! It's almost become an obsession for me - the healthiness of which is debatable.

I need a break. Maybe even a form of detox! Clearly, I need Weightloss Rehab.

Since Spring Break is next week, I've decided to do just that: I'm checking myself into the Natalie Ford Clinic.

I'm going to let myself relax, rest, and just enjoy being me. I'm not counting calories, I'm not pre-planning meals, and I'm not weighing in. I'm not going to feel guilty about any food choices, nor am I going to justify, qualify or explain anything that happens to my body this next week. I'm just going to relax and be.

I will cook, bake, and have fun with foods. But I will also be active in some way each day. At the end of the week, I will take the time to reflect on my lifestyle and create a plan to start after my break is over.

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for my break.

Grr is me

Things aren't going very well for me right now. I'm tired, I'm frustrated, and for the first time since starting this journey I feel like I'm on a diet.

I don't know what to do to shake myself out of this funk, but something has to happen. I find myself wavering a lot. I start off doing really well and then I make a bad decision and another and another and before I know it a big snowball of crappy food is sitting inside my stomach. Actually, it's not all crappy. I have honestly learned new habits. What I'm fighting now is the occasional piece of junk and too much healthy stuff (like 240 calories of almonds today, on top of a doughnut - you see what I mean?).

I've been getting back in the habit of counting my calories and have done pretty well with that - but I've just been counting as I exceed my allowance so all it does is makes sure I know just how badly I screwed up that day.

I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS!!! I have to shake off this funk! Tomorrow's weigh day has me freaked out and I hate being in this position. I hate it.

Don't excuse me!

Why on earth did you let me get away with my last post? Next time I babble about such junk, call me out on it!!!

All that I wrote in that entire post was a bunch of crap. Excuses are not the answer! Excuses doesn't burn calories.

All-night work sessions are an acceptable reason to forget the ideals of a healthy lifestyle? In the words of my fave Cher: As if! Re-reading that post embarrasses me. In fact, I am tempted to delete it.

If you are going to choose to be unhealthy, fine be unhealthy. But call it like it is. Own up to it. Take responsibility for your actions! Don't try to mask it with lame justifications and "creative" explanations! It will become a slippery slope if you let yourself get away with excuses. Suddenly, you'll find yourself explaining "reasons" for all kinds of splurges and slip ups: "I made it to all my classes today. Clearly that is a special occurrence warrants cake and ice cream!" Uh huh. "I paid all my bills today. I get a cookie now!" Uh huh.

My birthday is Thursday and I plan to enjoy it. But that doesn't mean I should act like eating a junk-ton of cake is acceptable behavior. Because it isn't. It is behavior that will make me gain weight. It is behavior that won't go unpunished - either by the very foods themselves, or by my own design through working out or cutting calories elsewhere. No good eat goes unpunished.

I don't mean go all Rev. Dimsdale on yourself and hide in a closet beating the sin from your body. But you have to call it like it is - Bad Behavior - and act accordingly - Work it off!

When you give yourself a pass on making healthy choices, it almost always comes with a pass on making up for those unhealthy choices. Instead, say, "Self, if we are going to have cake today, we need to go for an extra run first!" Then it's ok to say "I ran three miles today, I can splurge a little this afternoon."

Making good choices is a piece of cake. So long as we don't wash it down with a big cold glass of Vitamin D Whole Excuses, then we'll be fine. We can have our cake and eat it too. 

Mulling my munchies

I have a big paper to finish by morning, so I'll be pulling an all-nighter. As such, I anticipate a bout of the munchies (lessons learned from many all-nighters) to strike as soon as I get settled to work. Back in the day, I would buy a 2-pound pack of Twizzlers and Froot Loops to get me through the night. But nowadays I'm trying to stick to healthy choices - even if today is Mardi Gras!

I have a box of celery sticks and some frozen butternut squash ready to be turned into butternut fries, but knowing me, this isn't going to cut it. Is this one of those tests that come along to measure my progress? If I plan for the munchies tonight, am I just giving myself a hall pass? Is that ok to do?

There are times when it's ok to relax and eat junk. Some say Mardi Gras (today!) is one of those days - you know, since it's supposed to be followed by 40 days of sacrifice. Birthdays are considered a day to chill out on diets because special food is a way to celebrate special occasions. Also, meals at a friend's house are given a free pass, too (politeness for a night trumps diets).


Generally speaking, relaxed standards apply in unique situations that have a higher public interest than healthy eating for one night. So, the question is whether the occasional all-nighter fits into this category. Let's think it through: First, all-nighters are unique occurrences; they aren't something I do every week. Instead, they occur more like 2-3 times a semester. Plus, a good grade on this paper is more important than tomorrow's weigh in. If getting a good grade is dependent on snacks, then it's worth having snacks on hand and planning for such in my daily food allowance. Thus, all-nighters are unique situations and lowering my diet standards will serve a greater public interest.

Now that I've decided it's ok to relax my standards a bit, I must qualify this. Relaxing standards doesn't mean throwing them away. We arne't talking a night of pizza and cookies. That would be dumb. Plus, if I plan out choices that are better than Twizzles and sugary cereals, then I'm still showing progress.

So, here's what I'm thinking:

1) Eat a light dinner in order to be full so I don't snack as much. Um, yeah right. If I stopped eating when I was full this wouldn't be an issue. Duh!

2) Skip dinner knowing I will be snacking into the wee hours. Clearly, the logical choice, even if it isn't the most nutritious.

I don't keep many snacky foods in the house for obvious reasons. So, I need to hit the store for provisions. What should I get?

1) My usual fare of Twizzlers and Froot Loops. Um, and that would benefit me how? It's nothing but sugar and junk.This isn't a pass for full departure of the lessons I've learned so I should go with foods that provide some nutritious benefits, right?

2) Fruits and veggies high in fiber and low in fat. This is the ideal solution, obviously. However, the cost is a problem for me. I honestly can't afford a bunch of fruits and veggies right now. I have some will certainly what have on hand - celery, cauliflower and butternut squash, but my their very nature (lacking food crunch and, sadly, sugar, they just won't be enough.

3) "Healthy" cereal. This is tonight's winning choice, I think. If I buy a small box of Mini Wheats then I'm getting fiber, which is filling and flushing, sugar, and some actual nutrients that usually come with dinner. Maybe I can even buy a bag of oranges if they are on sale.

Having this discussion with myself now is also a sign of my personal growth. I used to go by the feelings I had at the time I hit the store. Instead, I am being pro-active and planning my allotment of snack foods and creating a strategy to handle my inevitable stress-induced munchies. It was all about satisfaction in the moment - but that moment was followed by many moments of self-loathing. Thanks to this plan, I'm hoping tomorrow finds me pleased with my decisions, happy with myself, and done with my paper!

______________

Update: 6:15 pm

I am home from getting supplies. I bought a box of dried figs (lots of fiber!), a medium box of plain shredded wheat (even more fiber!), and a 2 liter of diet coke. I think I'm good to go.

I just finished a bowl of the shredded wheat with Splenda and cinnamon - SUPER YUMMY!

And now it's time to brew coffee and get to writing!!!

Strategy for saving

These days I only have about $300 a month to spend on groceries between me and Kevin. That breaks down to about $75 a week, but often - when it's a non-pay-week, we only have about $40 to spend. Needless to say, grocery shopping takes a lot of strategy.

I'm getting pretty at it, though - I only spent $25 on groceries this week!

First, I have a list of monthly staples that I buy the first of each month. This includes things like flour, sugar, yeast, pancake mix, oatmeal, cream of wheat, pasta, beans, etc. Because it involves a lot of packaged items, this monthly trip also involves a lot of coupons. Target is great for this because they have their own coupons and they honor manufacturer's coupons. A really good deal will involve two coupons and it happens a lot!

Since March's bulk shopping was $100, that leaves me with about $40 a week for the weekly necessities. I shop every weekend because I eat so many fresh foods. I can't stand to throw food away so shopping each week is important.

Each Friday or Saturday morning, I take the week's grocery ads (I receive ads from all the nearby grocery stores in Wednesday's mail) and look for trends in sales. If chicken breasts are on sale, I take note. Same for various fruits, veggies, etc. Then, I grab my cook books and settle in for a planning session.

I write down each day and plan lunch and dinner. Often lunch involves leftovers, but not always. Obviously, this is part of my calorie planning for the day as well. If I plan a dinner that is heavier in calories (like pasta), then I know to go light for lunch that day and lighter for the next day's dinner.

I look at the weather forecast for the next week (seriously) in case the weather will likely spark a craving. If it's going to snow, I plan for chili. If it's going to be warm and pretty I plan for grilling. This is pretty important, to be honest, because if the plan isn't fun it's not worth it and you won't stick to it. Also, if I will be menstruating that week, I make sure to buy foods that will help make that less painful (fodder for a another blog soon!). I also take the contents of my pantry in it's current state into consideration.

Then, I make a grocery list based on the week's meals. Once I have my list, I search for coupons and map out which grocery store has the best deals for what I need. I'm not crazy enough (yet) to go to fifteen different stores, but I am willing to hit up two if that will mean big savings. Usually weekly shopping involves the local discount grocery store and the main store. But at the beginning of the month, Target gets added, too.

I spent two hours Friday morning planning meals for the next two weeks.  There happen to be a lot of black eyed peas in my freezer, so I decided to use those on Meatless Monday (black eyed pea chili = yum!).  Also, since Mardi Gras is this week, I planned something special for that dinner (red beans and rice!). A lot of my meals involve beans. They are a cheap protein I can buy in bulk during a larger-budget week and they last a long time.

Sure, it takes time and is a little OCD, but I have been able to cut my grocery expenses in half. I live mostly on borrowed money so the more I save now - the less I'll have to pay back later!

The suite life

As part of a research project for school, I am being escorted across McConnell Air Force Base tomorrow and given the opportunity to observe a court-martial proceeding. Considering this is right up Career Goal Alley for me, I'm thrilled.

Since McConnell is three hours from home, I had to drive down this evening and shack up in a motel. Imagine my excitement when I fell upon a deal for suite for only $65!!!

That's right, I'm blogging from the middle of a queen bed decked out in crisp white sheets and a million pillows. I'm glowing with post-bubble-bath glee and blasting the a/c so I can snuggle in the night.

Since this is a special ocassion of sorts, and the start of my birthday month, I went all out. I hit up the grocery store and bought food to make in my suite's kitchen. I was planning to splurge on Kraft Mac n Cheese, but decided a suite night deserved sweets!

I found some neat things at the grocery store for a single person watching their calories. Dinner was Campbell's Red Pepper Soup and Smart Ones' Ham and Cheese Scramble. In total, it was 340 calories and lots of protein.

Then came the sweets!

Skinny Cow has these great little single-serving ice cream cups that are only 150 calories so I gladly grabbed a Dulce de Leche flavored cup. Then, because it's a rare microwave-filled evening for me, I hit up the baking aisle and grabbed a Better Crocker Warm Desserts individual chocolate cake brownie bowl - also only 150 calories!

After my bubble bath I made dessert, poured a glass of nonfat milk and snuggled in bed with my goodies. Imagine my surpass when I couldn't even finish it all!

Sure, tonight involved a splurge, but I'm proud of how reasonable it was, you know? I was able to satisfy cravings and make myself feel pampered and special without feeling guilty.

I'll take that sweet life any day!!!

Getting a jump start

Confession is good for the soul ... or in this case, the soles.

Since writing my previous post, I have been so ashamed with myself and my admission, that I've been working out just about every day! Sure, I'm not up to where I should be training-wise, but at least I'm off my seat and on my feet.

If you follow me on Twitter, you know I have a "virtual jump rope" and have been using it lots lately. If you don't follow me on Twitter, shame on you! I'm @50n50, look me up!

Say "Hello" to my little friend!

Anyway, my virtual jump rope isn't an imaginary toy. It's an awesome gadget that came as a gift-with-purchase when Kevin bought some workout thingie after Christmas. And I LOVE IT!

Literally, it is best described as two handles with strings and little weights at the end. You hold the handles like they were jump rope handles and swing the strings like they are attached as a rope. The Cardio Rope, as it officially calls itself, tracks time, number of jumps, and calories burned based on the weight you enter. Jumping for 10 minutes burns 100 calories. And I have a good burn going in my calves!

I don't just jump for ten minutes straight - I change it up and do different things with my legs: Criss-cross, high kicks, waist twists. The time flies (when a funny tv show is on) and my heart gets going. 

Last night I was even feeling it in my arms. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and while I admit I looked a bit silly, my arms looked insanely awesome. The handle and swinging motions, you see, make it an upper body workout too.I felt so good last night that I decided to do some push ups. Usually I do them girly-style because Kevin says I do them wrong the real way. But not last night. I did 5 perfect push ups - twice! Maybe ten doesn't sound like a lot, but my butt wasn't sticking up and my nose was a jut a few inches from the floor. They felt good and in my head they looked good too.

I'm already seeing better definition in my legs and I've been jumping for a few days now. But it's motivation enough for me!

Clearly, I just needed a jump start!