I'm in (serious) trouble ...

Photo from TacoBell.com

Seriously, the moment I heard about it, I thought I was dreaming. I started salivating and I couldn't get it out of my mind. Kevin was just mentioning it to a neighbor. He had no idea how life-altering the news would be for me.

I quietly waited an hour, but then I couldn't stand it. I had to see if the rumors were true. AND THEY ARE.

Taco Bell is officially serving Doritos Locos Tacos.

I'm not going to lie - I was scared. My love of Doritos is hard to explain. When I was a girl hosting slumber parties three things had to be present: Oreos, Dr. Pepper and Doritos. Always Doritos. The Nacho Cheesier, the better! Why was I scared? Because I know me. I can't resist the draw of that taco treat. I'm pretty sure that will be lunch tomorrow since I just can't stop thinking about it. And my fear, understandably, came from the nutrition facts. I can't say no - I have to try it. I can already see the ten pounds I will gain because this amazing awesomeness is available down the street.

I bravely clicked on the link for the nutrition facts, tense and ready to be heartbroken. But the angels must be shining on my waistline ... The taco is ONLY 200 calories - for the supreme. And you can order it fresca style! Oh man, oh man, oh man. That might be worse for me, come to think of it.

Maybe it will taste awful and I will be spared. One can hope.

I'm back! And so is my belly

I know ... it's been awhile since I blogged. And if you can't tell by the lack of posts, you could tell by my waistline. Yikes!

So here's the not-so-skinny from the past three months. Basically, I finished law school and took the Bar exam. Written in one sentence like that it doesn't seem like much, but man was it intense! The last month of law school came with finals and the pressure to do better than ever. I'd like to say I studied my butt off, but that would only be figuratively true. Oh, I studied like crazy, but my butt didn't even almost come off. Then, when I finished my last final, I turned my attention to studying for the Bar Exam. The next two months were spent binging and cramming 3 years of law school and 15 million pounds of peanut M&Ms into my mouth.

And now it's over.

And I gained 13 pounds.

I had to buy new pants - a size up - and have lost all ab sucking-in muscles.  My muffin top is world class and if I stand just so, I look pregnant. I call it my Bar Baby. I've been joking about taking maternity pictures.

But tomorrow is a new day with a new adventure! I start a temp job in the corporate world of cubicles and fluorescent lighting. It's at the world headquarters of a really big corporation and comes with a few perks - like a gym!

For the next three months, I get to wait on my Bar exam results, work an 8-5 job and enjoy free time. There is a little college graduation ceremony in there (though I graduated in Dec. the ceremony isn't until May). You know what that means? I get to put the majority of my energy into getting back on track with my weight. I couldn't be more excited!

Goodbye, Bar Baby!

Recipe: Natalie's Thanksgiving Turkey and Rice

As promised ... the recipe I made for our Thanksgiving dinner!!! It was phenomenal, if I do say so myself. And I just did. So there.

Natalie's Turkey and Rice 

2 turkey legs
1 cup wild rice, uncooked
1/2 cup craisins (dried cranberries)
1/4 cup apricots, chopped
1 can cream of mushroom soup
water

Heat oven to 350.

Place turkey legs in 9x13 casserole and season as desired (sage, garlic powder, pepper, etc). Cover and bake 30 mins.

After 30 mins, remove turkey legs from oven. Place turkey legs on plate. Pour turkey "juice" (broth) into measuring cup. Add water until you get 1 1/2 cups. Add cream of mushroom soup and mix.

Pour rice into casserole dish and poor soup/broth/water on top. Sprinkle craisins and apricot across rice. Top with turkey legs (flipping them so the other side of the drumstick is up).

Bake another 45 mins or until turkey legs are done. Remove cover for last 15 minutes to give drumsticks a pretty brown glow.

Makes 4 servings. Perfect for a Thanksgiving dinner for two and leftovers for the next day!
Calories: 290; Fat: 10.1g; Protein: 18.1 g; Carbs: 33.1 g

No Fuss, Just Us Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is an interesting time when you are knee-deep in studying for final exams and 9 hours from your family (not to mention living on student loans). Basically, I don't have the time or money to go home. Two years ago, I hosted my boyfriend's family. Then last year we went to them for the holiday. (Search "Thanksgiving" on this blog for funny stories and low-calorie recipes!)

Past Thanksgivings have involved a lot of money, a lot of stress, and a lot of work. So, this year we have decided to stay home and have a Thanksgiving for two - "No Fuss, Just Us." We are even volunteering at a homeless shelter! And I couldn't be more excited.

In an effort to focus our Thanksgiving on simple things, Kevin and I are spending it with people who don't take it (or food!) for granted. Then, we are going home to have a lunch of turkey and ham sub sandwiches. After watching the Cowboys game, I'm going to throw a couple of turkey drumsticks in the oven and try to create my own version of a turkey and rice bake (If it's good, you know I'll post the recipe and pics!).

There are a few nods to the traditional Thanksgiving fare - the turkey subs made will be made with Hawaiian sweet rolls (my fave holiday bread) and I'm going to make my grandmother's macaroni and cheese and am excited about a sweet potato bread pudding I'm planning - but for the most part, it's going to be a day to relax and be thankful that we have each other.

And that's definitely a reason to give thanks!

Yo-yo is a no-no

Is this what it's like to be a yo-yo dieter? On again, off again, weight fluctuating by up to ten pounds, loving myself then hating myself. I mean like whoa. This is not a happy feeling!

You've followed me through this - and I hope you aren't super annoyed at me. But I'm human and I need help. I will NOT allow myself to go back to my old life. I WILL NOT!

Clearly, this is a mental thing. I gained back ten pounds ... and we all know how I feel about weighing more than 145. Sigh.

Somewhere over the past year, I lost my will power. I lost my drive and I lost everything except the desire to be a healthy weight.

Sure, I work out - but not consistently.

Sure, I count my calories - but not consistently.

Sure, I make healthy eating decisions - but not consistently.

Lately, it's been about sugar, chocolate, sugar, and ginger snaps. I KNOW BETTER!

And here's the annoying thing - I know that if I just get myself working out on a consistent basis, then I will be able to treat myself, even daily, with a reasonable serving of sugar, chocolate, or ginger snaps! But I just can't seem to get my butt in gear.

I've got plenty of excuses: no time thanks to school, worn out running shoes, early sunsets and late sunrises, too cold, bed is too comfortable, blah blah blah. If only I had a treadmill, if only I had more running pants, if only I had someone to hold me accountable. Are you kidding me? If only I would stop making excuses!!!

So, now that is out of my system ... I am ONCE AGAIN pledging to get myself back on track. I need a plan and I need accountability. So far, I've planned two 5ks for the upcoming weeks. I'm not in 5k shape, but who cares - that's just another excuse!

My trail running buddy (yes, I have one and yes, we meet just about every week!) have designed our own 5k route and are hosting the First Annual Plaza Lights 5k - it's untimed and doesn't involve t-shirts, but it does involve friends and the most-famous holiday lights in our area. It's going to be fun - even if it will be cold and really early.

Then, the next weekend will find me running another 5k dressed like Santa. See? I'm making this running thing fun! That's important, right?

And I'm scouring Craiglist for a treadmill ...

Reunion recap

I'm sure a couple of you are curious about how my reunion went ...

It was a blast! Everyone looked great and had big smiles on their faces. Only about a tenth of the class came, but it was great catching up with those who did and hearing about those who couldn't make it.

My fave part of the night was hearing a conversation that went kinda like this:

"Who is that?"

"That's Natalie H."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No way!"

:-D

I definitely said goodbye to a couple of internal ghosts this weekend.  I mean, at one point, I had to pull up one of my old pictures to convince someone who I was/am!!! Talk about winning ...

10 years ago ...

Senior year - 2000

My ten-year high school reunion is this weekend and who would have thought - I'm actually super excited about it!

Sure, I'm going alone because the boyfriend has to work. And sure, I'm not married, have no offspring, and am (only technically) unemployed because I'm still in school, but I've lost 50 POUNDS since high school! Heck yeah I'm going to this reunion!

Maybe my history isn't that well-known to my blog readers, but in fifth grade I was dubbed "Fatalie" by a jerk and the name spread like wildfire. Luckily, the fire was put out before junior high started - but the damage was already done. My self-esteem received third degree burns and I still carry the scars.

Junior year - 1999

In fact, as I type this I hear those kids taunting me with phrases like "I can see your fat jiggle when you walk!" Man, kids are cruel.

I suffered from debilitating depression throughout my adolescent years and there were days when it was a struggle to get out of bed, much less go to school. But as I grew up, they got nicer and I became more comfortable with myself and my body, but I was never proud of it.

Another episode I remember occurred my senior year. In an act of bravery, I wore a short skirt to school. I remember it specifically because it was super cute and maroon and suede. (Yes, suede. Don't judge.) I was walking down the hall during class and a guy passed me and said "Mmm, I love me a thick woman."

I was mortified! Until it was explained to me that some men consider "thick" to be a compliment. Ok, so it was nice that a guy thought I was attractive, but once I processed this I was still not happy. The thing I hated most about myself is not what I wanted others to like.

Homecoming senior year 2000

By the time I graduated high school, I was convinced that I was meant to be a size 16 forever. I told myself that it was clearly the body I was meant to have and I better get used to it. And I tried. I figured the key to happiness was coming to terms with myself as I was. There were times when I almost came to terms with my body, but deep inside I couldn't ignore the taunting voices on the playground at Farine Elementary. Those voices were part of the motivation when I started on the 50n50 journey. I was sick of hearing them and wanted those 10-year-old jerks to stop calling me names every morning as I looked at myself in the mirror.

I'm glad I never learned to be satisfied with myself as I was because then I wouldn't be where I am today. And I am thrilled to be where I am today! I'm truly happy and truly healthy - physically AND mentally!

I can hardly wait to go to tonight's homecoming football game sporting those old school colors and greet my classmates. I hope life has been just as good for them as it has for me. I am excited to see how the past ten years have blessed them and treated them.

Okay, so maybe there is a little part of me that hopes the guy who dubbed me "Fatalie" shows up ... He had the nerve to try and Facebook-friend me ... and he was perfunctorily rejected. But for the most part, I'm just excited to put Fatalie to rest and let the new me take over for the next ten years!