I'm back! And so is my belly

I know ... it's been awhile since I blogged. And if you can't tell by the lack of posts, you could tell by my waistline. Yikes!

So here's the not-so-skinny from the past three months. Basically, I finished law school and took the Bar exam. Written in one sentence like that it doesn't seem like much, but man was it intense! The last month of law school came with finals and the pressure to do better than ever. I'd like to say I studied my butt off, but that would only be figuratively true. Oh, I studied like crazy, but my butt didn't even almost come off. Then, when I finished my last final, I turned my attention to studying for the Bar Exam. The next two months were spent binging and cramming 3 years of law school and 15 million pounds of peanut M&Ms into my mouth.

And now it's over.

And I gained 13 pounds.

I had to buy new pants - a size up - and have lost all ab sucking-in muscles.  My muffin top is world class and if I stand just so, I look pregnant. I call it my Bar Baby. I've been joking about taking maternity pictures.

But tomorrow is a new day with a new adventure! I start a temp job in the corporate world of cubicles and fluorescent lighting. It's at the world headquarters of a really big corporation and comes with a few perks - like a gym!

For the next three months, I get to wait on my Bar exam results, work an 8-5 job and enjoy free time. There is a little college graduation ceremony in there (though I graduated in Dec. the ceremony isn't until May). You know what that means? I get to put the majority of my energy into getting back on track with my weight. I couldn't be more excited!

Goodbye, Bar Baby!

Facing Facts

May 2009: The weekend I was accepted to law school.

When I started the 50n50 journey, I had a plan. First, I altered my diet.  Then, after I lost about 25 pounds, I added physical activity.

I think it was this decision that ultimately led to my success. I first became accountable for my diet and then adjusted that diet to take care of my body's needs as I added physical activity. As things progressed, I saw the importance of diet - not just in weight loss, but in fueling your body.

Getting control of the diet first was key for me. Otherwise, I know how I would have acted: "Oh I walked 5 miles today, that means I can have ice cream without feeling guilty." But by the time I was walking 5 miles at a time, I knew my body needed protein and carbohydrates to fuel itself and would snack on something that would feed those needs. (Sure, maybe it was frozen yogurt, but I chose it for the nutritional values AND the taste, not just the taste!)

Now that I've hit a new wall, I have to face facts: I can't keep losing weight by diet alone.

Sure, you might say "duh" but there are times when I'm slow to see things - especially when I'm overwhelmed with school and work. I've been watching my numbers fluctuate between 141 and 147 since the moment I hit my goal weight. And, strangely enough, it was the moment I hit 145 that winter came to Kansas City and I stopped working out. Yes, I've let my discipline slip a bit and have an extra sweet more often than I should, but that's something that should be okay at this point. If this is the eating lifestyle I want to maintain, then I've got to get the physical part in check.

And it's not going to happen today, tomorrow, or next week. I have to be realistic. Here's the thing: I am overwhelmed with school this semester and am having a really hard time taking care of my responsibilities as it is. I honestly don't think I can fit exercise into my routine. Please understand it is REALLY hard for me to admit that I can't do everything I want to do right now. Really hard.


That said: I have another plan (of course I do!). School ends in 4 weeks. And with that comes a new routine! I'll be working in Kansas City and won't have to commute to campus (about an hour) all summer. I won't be taking classes so there won't be a lot of reading assignments to finish each day and I'll probably be quitting my job. So, as soon as I take my last final, I will be back out there - pounding the ground with my books on tape and getting physical.

I just have to make it through the next month. I walk to work on the weekends and do what I can when I can, but I'm going to stop sweating my lack of sweating. I have to - otherwise I'm going to go all kinds of crazy. Priorities shift sometimes, but it's all for the ultimate goal of becoming the best version of me I can be. And that includes finishing law school!

School days make me happy

I am so excited to go to school today. Mainly, I'm excited to get back into my usual routine. Spending time at home for weeks on end is nice - don't get me wrong. But it's been a constant battle for me - to snack or not to snack.

Don't get me wrong - I wasn't just sitting around doing nothing for the past 3 weeks. Besides work, I have done a lot around the house getting ready for this new semester. In fact, it was on the two days that I gave myself permission to just stay in bed and read and watch movies that I snacked less! Since I knew I would be sitting at home for days on end, I altered my eating style a bit. I focused on smaller meals to compensate for more snacking.

Also, as an experiment in maintenance, I stopped counting my calories at the beginning of December. Yes, you read that correctly. I decided to see if I could "do it" without counting every calorie I consumed. Silly me, it was a bad idea to do this during the holidays because there were so many different dishes crossing my plate. Since the start of the new year, however, I have managed to maintain my weight and even start back on the losing track over the past week or so.

But I feel a little out of touch with the nutritional information of what I'm eating. Perhaps this is one reason I've read articles advocating counting calories forever. Of course, the idea of that sounds a bit tedious to me. I certainly didn't miss writing everything down in December and January. Plus, I feel pretty comfortable with my ability to stick to my calorie allowance - holiday foods notwithstanding. But, I miss knowing some important information: How much calcium, protein, fiber and iron I'm consuming.

Sure, I read labels, but they don't add it all up for me. And you'd be surprised how hard it can be to get the recommended iron or calcium you need in a day! I might pop back onto Sparkpeople.com every few days and input that day's food to see how I'm doing.

School stress

Forgive me, Ladies, for I have sinned.

I have a paper due Friday and have been stressed out over it - and eating Twizzlers, Hot Tamales and Diet Coke. Mainly, the staples of all-nighters and energy fixes.

But I walked 4 miles today ... so, you know, maybe it won't be so bad. Right?

Tomorrow's Weigh Day is going to be close ...

My current issues

And we are clearly GO on Step one.

I am lessening my caloric intake. Yep. At least I think so. I don't know how many calories I was consuming before I started counting them, and I'm not really making many different decisions now. But I'm sure it is the little things that will add up.

Also, as part of this, I am trying to increase my water consumption. This is tough!!! I HATE WATER. I don't really know why, of course, how can you hate something with no taste?

But perhaps that is why - it is just so boring and whenever I drink it, I feel water-logged.

Besides my water drinking, the other challenge to watching what I eat is my life itself.

I'm a law student - that means BUSY, BROKE and BURDENED. It's hard enough to get the work I need to do done, much less add in making lunches and dinners, going grocery shopping, affording healthy food, and working out (part two of the plan).

What I need to do is exactly what I did when I was working towards my undergrad degree: I need to make weekly meal plans, corresponding grocery lists and cross reference it with my budget.

And where will I find the time to do that???

Perhaps after I finish today's homework ... sigh.