Facing Facts

May 2009: The weekend I was accepted to law school.

When I started the 50n50 journey, I had a plan. First, I altered my diet.  Then, after I lost about 25 pounds, I added physical activity.

I think it was this decision that ultimately led to my success. I first became accountable for my diet and then adjusted that diet to take care of my body's needs as I added physical activity. As things progressed, I saw the importance of diet - not just in weight loss, but in fueling your body.

Getting control of the diet first was key for me. Otherwise, I know how I would have acted: "Oh I walked 5 miles today, that means I can have ice cream without feeling guilty." But by the time I was walking 5 miles at a time, I knew my body needed protein and carbohydrates to fuel itself and would snack on something that would feed those needs. (Sure, maybe it was frozen yogurt, but I chose it for the nutritional values AND the taste, not just the taste!)

Now that I've hit a new wall, I have to face facts: I can't keep losing weight by diet alone.

Sure, you might say "duh" but there are times when I'm slow to see things - especially when I'm overwhelmed with school and work. I've been watching my numbers fluctuate between 141 and 147 since the moment I hit my goal weight. And, strangely enough, it was the moment I hit 145 that winter came to Kansas City and I stopped working out. Yes, I've let my discipline slip a bit and have an extra sweet more often than I should, but that's something that should be okay at this point. If this is the eating lifestyle I want to maintain, then I've got to get the physical part in check.

And it's not going to happen today, tomorrow, or next week. I have to be realistic. Here's the thing: I am overwhelmed with school this semester and am having a really hard time taking care of my responsibilities as it is. I honestly don't think I can fit exercise into my routine. Please understand it is REALLY hard for me to admit that I can't do everything I want to do right now. Really hard.


That said: I have another plan (of course I do!). School ends in 4 weeks. And with that comes a new routine! I'll be working in Kansas City and won't have to commute to campus (about an hour) all summer. I won't be taking classes so there won't be a lot of reading assignments to finish each day and I'll probably be quitting my job. So, as soon as I take my last final, I will be back out there - pounding the ground with my books on tape and getting physical.

I just have to make it through the next month. I walk to work on the weekends and do what I can when I can, but I'm going to stop sweating my lack of sweating. I have to - otherwise I'm going to go all kinds of crazy. Priorities shift sometimes, but it's all for the ultimate goal of becoming the best version of me I can be. And that includes finishing law school!

One bite at a time

I did it! I got everything done that was on the priority list today (except I just remembered I forgot to buy stamps - oops). Lesson learned: Take things slowly, one at a time, and prioritize them and you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish. I even got that 5-mile training walk done this evening!!!

Kevin joined me for the 5-mile walk after dinner and having done it makes me feel so good. I even got whistled at once. The whistler said to Kevin, "Nice girl." I smiled a big grin and hollered "Thank you!" over my shoulder.

Anyway, we left for the walk about an hour and half after dinner. Dinner, ladies, was whole wheat pasta, alfredo sauce and shrimp. I figure that many carbs for dinner is acceptable if you are working out later. Usually, however, I avoid a carby dinner because the carbs get wasted while you sleep. But many articles suggest a serving of complex carbs with every meal ...

My 5-mile walks take me to a lovely park that reminds me of a small version of Central Park. One of these days - I'll take some photographs of it. It's a popular location for engagement shots. Once we got to the park, Kevin and Chester left me and ran the track - (2 laps = 2.75 miles) while I hoofed it around the park once. Then, we met up and finished the rest of the walk.

Call it a coincidence, fate, karma, dumb luck, or my own conniving, but the 5-mile trek just so happened to take us by the McDonald's less than a quarter-mile from my house. So of course, having just walked 5 miles, we stopped and bought ice cream!

I still had the calories to spare from my day anyway, but that was some good, guilt-free ice cream!!! Plus, they say milk is great for post-workout recovery :-D

More than I can chew?

I missed my workout this morning - mainly because something just had to give. It looks like I may have bitten off more than I can chew.

My Competing Priorities:
School
Internship
3-Day training
50n50
Boyfriend
Animals
Grown-up responsibilities (bills, car maintenance, house maintenance, etc.)
Social Interactions

I'm having a really hard time maintaining my energy every day. I spent months juggling and fitting everything on that list into my life. But it's not going well.

Last night I made the mistake of spending the evening out on the town (Sex and the City 2!!!) - my first real social interaction (besides Kevin) in weeks. I was practically catatonic by the time I got home - and I still had reading to do and things to pack and ready for today.

When the alarm went off this morning, I hit snooze 3 times! I usually only hit it once. I needed to race to the gym to fit 5 miles in, read for my first class, make breakfast and had to make a choice. But instead of hoping up and getting the day started - I laid in bed, struggling to find conscious thought. Eventually, I chose school over my training. I made breakfast, sat at my bar and read for my classes today.

I feel guilty - I was supposed to walk 5 miles this morning - but I know I made the right choice. Class was better and easier to follow because I was prepared and now I feel fine about taking on the work I have for this afternoon. Then, once I get off work, I'm hoping to at least squeeze 3 miles in around the neighborhood (If I can convince Kevin to go with me, it will cover two of my priorities!).

It took a short stroll between classes this morning, but I feel a bit better about things. I was just feeling momentarily overwhelmed. Sometimes, our priorities fight for our attention and, as much as we try, we can't make it all fit. Today is just one of those days.