The journey is the goal

I promised I would write a post last week all about my big plan. Only, I lied. I didn't have a big plan. Just the plan to make a plan. And it didn't happen. Then life happened: I got swamped at work. A tick bit me. I got sick. And you know what? It's no excuse. Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever is NO EXCUSE. Why? Because life always happens! And that's the thing of it all ... I've finally figured out where I went wrong. 

The journey is the goal. 

All this time, and by that I really mean ALL THIS TIME, I've been focused on this goal of getting to my healthy body weight and maintaining it. And that has been my mistake. All this time I've been dreaming about and obsessing over a number on the scale. That number meant success. That number has been my goal. Well, I hit that number and then lost it. I lost sight of what I'd worked so hard to achieve all because I was focused on the wrong thing.

The JOURNEY is the goal. 

Remember when it was about making lifestyle changes? Well, that was the right way to go about it - only I did it with the wrong goal in mind. Instead of that magic number on my magic scale, I should have been focusing on turning myself into someone who could maintain a healthy lifestyle moving forward. Not just when she wanted to lose weight, but always. Even when life happens. And I was there! During the big 50n50 push I worked out 5 days a week, at least. I walked more than ten miles a week, at least. I ate healthy foods 80 percent of the time, at least. And silly me, I didn't even know I was where I needed to be. I was in shape. I was fit. I was healthy. And I lost it.

The journey is the GOAL.

When life happens, you can't stop living and that's what I let happen. I let the stresses in my life take over and I lost sight of the life I want. I want a life where I can sign up for a 5k on a whim and go run it. I want a life where I fit into a size 6 and don't look like a stuffed sausage. I want a life where I don't need help opening a pickle jar.


So, here it is. My official goal. Get back in shape. Get fit again. Get healthy. Now, how do I do that? It's easy enough. Prioritize myself and my health back into my life. Work out because I love my body, not because I hate it. Make the act of working out be the goal. Every day. If I spend thirty minutes working out then I achieved my goal that day. Easy peasy! Seriously. As I do it each day, my body will change. I will get healthier, stronger, happier with myself. And in that is the goal. The journey to a healthy life involves a step every day. So I need to take a step. Every day. And that is what I mean when I say:

THE JOURNEY IS THE GOAL.

Again.

It's been almost 3 years since I stepped on that scale and saw myself in my target BMI range for the first time. And proudly, I kept all 50 pounds off for almost a year. Then life hit. I spent two months in the stressful Hell of studying for the Bar Exam and then 2 months of the worrying wait while my score was calculated. Add in time to find a job, start the job, get settled in a new community, breaking up with my boyfriend of 6 years, and learning to balance the demands of my career and BAM! I'm overweight again.

My clothes look awful. Nothing fits like it did. I see my face getting fuller again and I avoid mirrors. I am so angry with myself and I'm back on this blog in an effort to get things back under control. I blogged about this before, but clearly, I didn't stick with it.

For the record: MAINTENANCE IS HARD. Oh so very hard. I knew all along this entire thing had to be a life change. It wasn't about dieting. It was about learning to make the right choices. Life's stressers attacked. I thought I could handle them and thought I was prepared to weather a break up without gaining weight, but I handled it all wrong. I stopped counting calories because that's no way to live each day. I let some bad foods find their way back into my life ... Food took it's place again as comfort and reward. "I had a bad day, I deserve this glass (bottle) of wine," has been recited by me more times than I can count. And it has to stop. I have to stop. 

When I sat down to start blogging about this again, I mapped out a plan. After doing it for 60 weeks, I officially hate counting calories. I just can't bring myself to do it again. I mean, is that really a way to live? I don't think so. I know what is good to eat. I'm no dummy. I learned a lot when I lost those 50 pounds.

No, I'm going to try something a bit different. I'm going to focus on a different life change. I'm going to focus on adding activity to my life. It's been easy for me to say I'm too busy to work out and too broke to join a gym. But as the weather warms up, I've got no reason not to walk out side and move my ass. Yes, I'm still busy, but I need to prioritize myself over work anyway. I've actually been spending this year trying to focus on a work/life balance that has been seriously lacking. I'm doing better and as part of that focus, I'm adding my health to the picture!

But I'm adding another twist: This journey isn't going to be about the scale. Nope. It's going to be about MyGoalSize. I want back into the size 6 I was wearing when I graduated law school. I'm squeezing into 8s now, and if I'm being honest, should probably be wearing 10s, but can't bring myself to admit it.

It all starts Wednesday. I'm going to move my scale into the shed and ignore it. I'll blog about that soon. I'll track my progress by measuring myself every 2 weeks. Also, instead of counting the calories I consume, I'm going to start announcing the calories I burn. I'm going to blog about my activities. Finally, I'm going to focus on strength-building, both mental and physical. Also, I'm going to focus on drinking water. I know it's sounds simple, but I've blogged before about my issues with water and it seems it will be a life-long struggle.

I've tried to come up with a better acronym, but so far all I have is SWAM: Strength, Water, Activities, Measuring. Lame, but it's all I have so far. Totally open to suggestions!

So, here we go again ... See you Wednesday!!!

Lots going on!

I know it's been awhile since I posted, but I don't want you to think it's been awhile since I worked out or had a healthy meal, because it hasn't. A lot has been going on and that includes starting a new job, moving to a new town and making a big decision for my 30th birthday.

First, I started a new job a month ago. I'm officially a working attorney! This meant moving to a new town and starting a new routine. And I hope you're proud of me because it was my third day on the job that found me walking into a community gym and signing up on the spot. I've been working out consistently 3-4 nights a week since then. Not all of my workouts have been in the gym itself, but that's not the point. The point is that I'm getting into good habits as I start my new life!

The sad part of my move to a new town is that I am not officially living here yet. Kevin and the kids are still back in Kansas City and I drive 120 miles every Monday morning for work, rent a room for the week nights and then drive back to KC each Friday afternoon. It's really made for a change in my food planning and I've shifted to cooking the week's meals every Sunday afternoon. I divide the meals up for me and Kevin and leave him with a list of his dinners to be enjoyed throughout the week. On my end, I barely have any extra foods for snacking in the evenings or during the day so it's really working out well for my waistline!

Over the past 4 weeks, I've lost about 5 pounds. Weekends are rough - we've been going out to dinner every Friday night and I find myself losing my willpower a bit when it comes to drinking and ice cream, but I've gotten better over the past couple of weeks as a routine has developed.

And finally my last biggie: I've decided to participate in a marathon on my 30th birthday! It's in 7 months so I'm slowly getting my body ready for the training process. The intensity will increase in a couple of months, so my focus now is to get my foundation ready by consistently working out 3-4 times a week. I'm really excited about it because this is one of my life's goals and I want to do something that marks the big 3-0 in a positive way!

Here we go again!

I coasted through spring, coming up with a million excuses about why I was letting myself get away with NOT doing what I knew needed to be done. And I'm still 12 pounds overweight.

ENOUGH! (That's what I tell Sadie to get her to stop barking.)

I know what needs to be done and I've started doing it.

1) I'm signed up for a 5k on July 8 - I don't think I'll be running the entire thing, but darn it, I'm not going to make a fool of myself!

2) I'm back to calorie counting - between 1300 five days a week and 1500 two days a week. I know this is what I've needed to do all along, but I've been whiny and lazy. Lame.

3) I'm making good physical decisions again. Yesterday, I wanted ice cream, so we walked the 2.5 miles to get it. Today, I needed to return a movie and get some agave syrup so I walked the 2.5 miles to do it.

It's not rocket science, but man, once you get out of the good habits, it is HARD to get back in them. And working in Corporate America does NOT help. Do you know how many donuts pass my face in a month? It's ridiculous. But last week, I found myself saying "NO." Practically out loud even. I don't even like plain donuts that much! Definitely not more than I liked Healthy Natalie!

I weighed in this morning at 157.8 pounds. My goal is 135. There, I said it. It's out there and I need y'all to HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE! If you don't read a post from 50n50 next Wednesday, call me out on it!

 In 22 weeks - by Nov. 7, 2012 - I want to be at my new goal weight. And if the first ten pounds comes off at 2 pounds a week, you won't hear me complaining!

Want to join me? Let's do it together! I'll give you contributor powers and let you do this. I'll hold you accountable, too, if that's what you want. It's easier with friends so I would LOVE it if some of you decided to become a Lady in Weighting with me!

Here we go again, friends!

Dorito Taco Reviewo

I know, you've been dying to know what I thought of the amazing-sounding awesomeness Taco Bell has most-recently brought to usin the form of the Doritos Locos Tacos. Well ...

I LOVED IT!

Seriously, super tasty! My only criticism is that the bottom gets soggy. Obviously they know this because it comes with a thin cardboard wrapper thing announcing the awesomeness in your hand. Basically, the Dorito shell is thinner than a usual shell so the grease (ew) from the meat soaks through pretty fast. The second taco (yes, I had two ... so?) had to be eaten fast to lessen the affects of thin-shell, high-grease. Next time, I'm going to try one with beans instead of meat and fresca style. That will help on calories, too.

Yesterday, I reported the Dorito Taco came in at 200 calories each, but I was wrong. That's for the supreme variety (meaning with sour cream), not the regular. Lucky for us all, the regular taco comes in at 170. So, two tacos for a meal is a mere 340 calories - which is pretty darn AWESOME. It only gets better if you go for fresca.

And yes, there was that lovely Dorito-dusted finger phenomena after. So. Freaking. Awesome.

I'm in (serious) trouble ...

Photo from TacoBell.com

Seriously, the moment I heard about it, I thought I was dreaming. I started salivating and I couldn't get it out of my mind. Kevin was just mentioning it to a neighbor. He had no idea how life-altering the news would be for me.

I quietly waited an hour, but then I couldn't stand it. I had to see if the rumors were true. AND THEY ARE.

Taco Bell is officially serving Doritos Locos Tacos.

I'm not going to lie - I was scared. My love of Doritos is hard to explain. When I was a girl hosting slumber parties three things had to be present: Oreos, Dr. Pepper and Doritos. Always Doritos. The Nacho Cheesier, the better! Why was I scared? Because I know me. I can't resist the draw of that taco treat. I'm pretty sure that will be lunch tomorrow since I just can't stop thinking about it. And my fear, understandably, came from the nutrition facts. I can't say no - I have to try it. I can already see the ten pounds I will gain because this amazing awesomeness is available down the street.

I bravely clicked on the link for the nutrition facts, tense and ready to be heartbroken. But the angels must be shining on my waistline ... The taco is ONLY 200 calories - for the supreme. And you can order it fresca style! Oh man, oh man, oh man. That might be worse for me, come to think of it.

Maybe it will taste awful and I will be spared. One can hope.

I'm back! And so is my belly

I know ... it's been awhile since I blogged. And if you can't tell by the lack of posts, you could tell by my waistline. Yikes!

So here's the not-so-skinny from the past three months. Basically, I finished law school and took the Bar exam. Written in one sentence like that it doesn't seem like much, but man was it intense! The last month of law school came with finals and the pressure to do better than ever. I'd like to say I studied my butt off, but that would only be figuratively true. Oh, I studied like crazy, but my butt didn't even almost come off. Then, when I finished my last final, I turned my attention to studying for the Bar Exam. The next two months were spent binging and cramming 3 years of law school and 15 million pounds of peanut M&Ms into my mouth.

And now it's over.

And I gained 13 pounds.

I had to buy new pants - a size up - and have lost all ab sucking-in muscles.  My muffin top is world class and if I stand just so, I look pregnant. I call it my Bar Baby. I've been joking about taking maternity pictures.

But tomorrow is a new day with a new adventure! I start a temp job in the corporate world of cubicles and fluorescent lighting. It's at the world headquarters of a really big corporation and comes with a few perks - like a gym!

For the next three months, I get to wait on my Bar exam results, work an 8-5 job and enjoy free time. There is a little college graduation ceremony in there (though I graduated in Dec. the ceremony isn't until May). You know what that means? I get to put the majority of my energy into getting back on track with my weight. I couldn't be more excited!

Goodbye, Bar Baby!