My upward spiral

Since the beginning of May, I'm ashamed to say, I've gained weight. Maybe you noticed I haven't been updating the weekly Weigh Day information ... it's because I was on an upward shame spiral. Last week was the worst. I hit 152 when I stepped on the scale Wednesday. For my height, that's seven pounds overweight.

It's no secret that I've been stuck in a slump. All you have to do is look at the titles of my posts over the past few months to see how much I've struggled.


I shouldn't have let myself create this big finish line for a goal that wasn't my ultimate goal. Once I hit that goal weight, I let down my guard and it triggered a retreat of sorts. One that I really regret right now!

I'm angry because I worked so hard to lose that weight and gaining it back is NOT acceptable.  Plus, seven pounds up means seven more pounds to lose to reach my ultimate goal weight - and that's about 7 extra weeks! But I have to admit it's my own fault. All I've done lately is talk about my plans to lose more weight, but I've acted on very few of these plans.

As it happens, a friend came to me last week because she wanted help losing weight. She doesn't know about my recent struggles and it was nice to be with someone who sees me as a success story. It's the old adage - I'm my worst critic and I've been bringing myself down. I've been my own road block.

Sitting down with her, creating a plan for calories and meals and giving her my tips and tricks really reminded me of the basics that I followed not-too-long-ago.

I set out to help her, but I think I helped me in the process. I'm back to counting my calories and tracking how much water I drink. I'm monitoring my fiber intake (I noticed my system wasn't as regular as it used to be). I even went on a 3-mile walk last night with Kevin and Sadie last night. This morning, I stepped on the scale for Weigh Day and it came up at 148! I'm not even letting myself freak out because it means I've lost 4 pounds this week - I'm pretty sure it was water and waste thanks to getting my system back on track.

I'm not calling declaring myself cured - far from that. But this is a step in the right direction. Finally.

Summertime

... and the living's sneezy. Grass is growin' and the pollen is high.

I am super-stoked that summer is here, but sad because I'm sick. Not sure if it's allergies (I don't usually have summer allergies, but anything is possible), I just know I've felt icky the past few days and had to call in sick to work today.

So, here I am blogging - finally. It's been awhile, so let me catch you up.

As school ended, my summer life started taking shape and I couldn't be more excited for the next 2.5 months! I'm not taking any normal classes, but am working as a research assistant and creating an independent research project for credit later in the summer. I'm still working my part-time job, but just one day a week and I'm interning with a local public defender's office full time. I guess listed out like this it looks like a lot, but it certainly doesn't feel like it!

I come home every day at 5:30 and get to enjoy my evenings without the guilt that hangs over me during the normal semester. Not having to read 150 pages a day from a law book is totally and completely a vacation for me!

So far, I've settled into an easy routine. I get up, make coffee and eat breakfast. Then, I walk half a mile to the nearest bus stop and bus the 25 minutes to work, walk another half mile to my office and then spend the day hoofing it around downtown as only interns do. At 4:30, I walk the half mile back to my bus stop and ride home. All in all, though I keep forgetting to wear my pedometer, I'm walking between 2-3 miles a day.  I wear flip flops when walking to or from the bus (unless I'm wearing pants). But as much as I walk around downtown in heels, I'm hoping for some killer calves by August!

I've been working on the front porch a lot lately - pretty much creating an outdoor dining room and kitchen. At least three nights a week we can be found sitting on the porch grilling our dinner. I love that my house is so shady and cool despite the 90-degree temps we've had this past week.  Yay, trees!

Thanks to some hard work, my jungle of a lawn is finally under control and ready for it's weekly cuts. I have a big yard, so I take two days to mow it. The front yard gets cut on Mondays and the back yard on Wednesdays. Usually it takes about 30 mins to mow each side, but thanks to the crazy rain we've had lately, I spent almost two hours on my backyard this week. My Sparkpeople.com app says I burned 500 calories!

That's the thing I love about mowing - it burns a lot more calories than I ever realized. And y'all know me - I love multi-tasking. Burning so many calories while also taking care of a chore is awesome to me.

For the Memorial Day holiday, we bought a badminton set. Sure, most people think badminton is boring and slow, but the way we play (poorly!), it's fun and involves a lot of running after birdies. I'm thinking we can upgrade to a full size volleyball net later in the summer. My neighbors are totally down for some couple against couple action!

And there you have it - be on the lookout for a few blogs in the next few days. I've got a lot of time to make up for and I'm sorry about that.

Git' 'er done

My fridge has a to-do list magnet on it with paper notes below it for making lists. On it, my boyfriend wrote, "Too many things. See digital list."

Natalie tells me that it is an achievement in itself to maintain consistent weight. I'm mostly within the same weight as when I started this two years ago with Natalie. She has made significant strides and changes in her life and shown a great deal of courage and commitment. I have been caught with the rigors of life, unable to maintain consistency with any aspect of life.

I complete my term as President for the Austin chapter of AIGA, the professional association for design this month. This has been a rewarding and demanding experience, challenging my calendar in creative ways. I've had dozens of lunches and evening activities during this role and they're taking their toll on my body. I am always planning to get to that workout routine, but have yet to achieve this. So, in the midst of relationship turmoil, I created ME resolutions. I missed New Year's celebrations, so it seemed appropriate. I divided the upcoming time in to "quarters." Now, I near the end of the first quarter and look dimly on my achievements. Everything is in progress and yet to be achieved.

That does not mean my schedule was wanton for activity. Indeed, much has occurred. My mom started dating for the first time in twelve years, became engaged, and is now to be wed this weekend. I did start a company also, The Underwater Designer. I have done three trips under this company, Utah, Florida/Alabama, and Louisiana/Mississippi. Those have happened already, though the website is sorely needing updating! Again, not for lack of commitment, but rather because I have been tending to client work that developed from my initial launch.

And so, I move forward, hoping not to be too hard on myself, but rather give myself credit for what I have achieved and also to knuckle down on commitments in their respective priorities. I hope to at least establish a workout routine, finish a book I started a year ago, finish my big painting, get the poster for sale that is now finally complete and framed, and finish my current client project.

I turn 30 this coming July. This work will be done before my party as that is a set deadline. By then, perhaps my body will start agreeing with me and running will trim me back down.

Fast food and me

Morgan Spurlock speaking on May 6, 2011.

Last Friday, I attended a media law seminar and got to listen to Morgan Spurlock talk about some behind-the-scenes stuff regarding his movie "Super Size Me."

I hadn't seen the movie, but after seeing clips during Spurlock's talk (he loves and REALLY appreciates his attorneys, by the way), I decided to watch the documentary on Hulu.

I wish I could say fast food wasn't a big part of my diet before I decided to focus on my health, but of course, I'd be lying.

Mom tried to teach me better habits - she hated McDonalds and rarely took me - though I remember a few episodes of pretty amazing begging following my epic tantrums. No worries, though, I got my Happy Meal fixes from other relatives ...

Fast forward a few years and I have flashes of memories from the last decade of life on my own: Shakes at Jack In the Box with boyfriends; Mucho Nachos from Taco Bueno for a normal dinner; 16 oz. cups of crinkle cut fries and a 20 oz Coke from Del Taco after a bad day(s) at work; Sausage McGriddles for a weekend breakfast; Potato wedges covered in cheese, bacon and sour cream from Jack in the Box after a night of drinking; Arby's curly fries for a snack; Wendy's fried chicken sandwiches for lunches ... The list could go on and on (Don't even get me started on the sodas).

Man, I ate horrible things way too often in my life!  During one particularly hard summer right after my boyfriend and I split, I remember eating McDonalds at least 3 nights a week and possibly as many mornings. At that time, I'd lost my desire to do anything but eat and sleep. I did a lot of both things, sadly.

Thank goodness my habits are much improved, but it was slow-going. I had a dependency on fast food. It was fast and "cheap" and I was short on time and money. I never planned my meals and when I was too tired to cook, I'd stop somewhere. My story is the same as most Americans, sadly.

As one who eases into dramatic things such as entire life changes, I treated fast food as I treated other dietary changes. I knew I needed to cut it out, but I also felt like I needed it as a crutch for those times when I didn't have the time or energy to cook. When I started 50n50, I worked fast food into the plans. I kept a list of meals I could order at various restaurants that were less than 500 calories. I recommend it to most people also - it was a great way for me to start out on the quest for better living.

Slowly, I learned healthier ways to eat fast and cheap. I learned to plan my meals and work with a meal budget. Now, I cook enough for 2-4 meals all for the cost of a "value meal." I haven't completely cut out fast food, but it's more like once a month now - if that (I hate to admit it, especially after watching "Super Size Me," but I still love Chicken McNuggets!).



This evening while watching Spurlock's documentary,  I thought to myself, "When was the last time I even ate fast food?" And then I remembered when ... not two hours ago! Kevin and I walked up there for ice cream ... Hmmm.

Crunch Time!!!

It's a boy version of me as an M&M!!!

Finals are here and that means one thing: Crunch Time.

Figurative meaning: My first exam is tomorrow so I am in the final hours of cramming and prepping for whatever essay hypotheticals my professor can create surrounding Sports Law and Regulations. I'm a good sport, so I'm game.  Hardy har har.

Literal Meaning: You've heard me say it before ... I get the munchies when I get stressed. Well, today is my day of vindication. Turns out, it's completely normal and necessary!!! Oh yes, finally(!), a food-related "issue" I don't have to solve.

"See, the urge to eat when situations get hairy is an evolutionary instinct triggered by certain chemicals," according to my daily Eat This, Not That email (delivering info from both Men's Health and Womens" Health). How do they know exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it?

Thanks to the peeps over at Women's Health, I now have a list of things to eat (and drink) to handle various forms of stress. As suspected, fruit is a good one. But surprisingly so are M&Ms!!! Yeah, I bought a bag of the recommended peanut variety with lunch. Haha.

I also have a big bowl full of apples and oranges. Plus, a bunch of bananas. There might be some grapes left too ... those usually go pretty fast thanks to the same oral fixation that takes over whenever someone opens a bag of chips. 


Anyway, as part of the literal crunch time, that's all I have time to write. But check out the link for the lovely tips for boosting serotonin, etc!

I turn to food

Phone calls at three a.m. are never good. The call I received Saturday morning was no different: someone had broken into my house. It wasn't until 7:30 that morning that we realized the full extent of everything. They took my tv, heirloom jewelry, my digital camera ... and Kevin's car.

Needless to say, it was a bad weekend.

Kevin and I were in Texas for an annual family party and to meet my grandfather's fiancee. When this happened, we cut the trip short and left after meeting my soon-to-be-step-gma. We drove back home on about three hours of sleep, stressed and freaked. I made a couple of Facebook updates about the situation and was stopped short by a comment my cousin's wife made.

"I'm so sorry. I hope all the positive changes you have made in your life help you to deal with this stressful time."

That got me thinking about my natural reaction to stressful things. 

When Kevin and I finished breakfast with the family, we drove about half an hour and stopped to use WiFi and take care of a few things online.  It was noon by this time and we'd been up since 9 hours with only three hours of sleep. All I could think was: I need a milkshake.

Honestly, I think that instinct comes from baby-hood when our parents hand us a bottle to stop our crying. I just wanted to curl into a ball and alternate sucking my thumb with sucking a chocolate shake. All while rubbing my ear lobe. 


When in times of stress, clearly I turn to food. 


Just add that to the list of things I need to handle ... including two different insurance adjusters, finals, final papers, summer financial aid, starting paperwork for summer jobs, my grandfather's upcoming wedding and my own sense of self-worth that is teetering thanks to all of the above.

Accountability is key

Updating my weight on the blog this morning was one of the hardest things I've had to do lately!

I weighed in at 149.6 pounds and that is ... BAD.

Since a big part of 50n50 is accountability, I posted the number on the blog - though I was very tempted to "forget." The first step in the 50n50 process was admitting my weight. Having it out there, for the world to see has been a big motivator. I can't stop being honest now - no matter how ashamed of myself I am.

It's only going to be up there a week. And maybe I needed a shocking number like that to reiterate how important it is to make good, educated decisions all day, every day.

I won't allow anymore self-loathing to enter this game, either. It would be easy to say "Forget it! I give up" and go to McDonalds for a McGriddle, but I'm worth more than that! I may not measure my destination by where I started, but I sure can measure my worth by how far I've come! And baby, I've come too far to turn back now.

So, today I weigh 149.6. But that won't be the case next week. You'll see.